happy friday friends. welcome to the start of a long weekend. and for me, a long weekend at home. [bliss!] this back-to-back-to-back weekends have been tough + I am so looking forward to a weekend at home. date night tonight + no plans the rest of the weekend. well, unless you don’t count the organizing/cleaning out I’ll continue to do….fall cleaning? or the college football saturday morning complete with homemade waffles that Stephen has been counting down to for about oh, since the last day of football season last year. my husband is oh so excited about both, I can just tell.
I just wanted to write a little bit of what’s been on my heart this week. my friend Amanda, who lives in Rwanda, texted me last week and said “I truly hope you are well though. I worry about those I only see good things posted. What’s being bottled up and hidden in the inside, ya know?” wow. It’s hard yall, this thing called blog land. what you see is only a glimpse of my life. I don’t want to paint this perfect picture of my life, but I do realize that what I [we] tend to share on here is the happy + good. the victories. but yall know I’ve also been known to share the hard stuff too. sometimes the hard stuff involves other people in my life, and it’s not appropriate for me to share. I’ve had a hard time being “in the middle” of a lot of relationships/situations this summer. hard things, real life things, things that make you me want to crawl in a ball and hide in my house. and I’ve done that a little bit. I’ve tried to block it out, tried not to think about it or deal with it. dealing with certain situations is just too hard. too painful. is this a healthy way to deal with the hard things? no. Do I know that, yes. am I ready for God to take me to those hard places and work on my heart? I’m getting there. but I’ve been masking this hurt and hard heart with “busyness”. I have been a slave to my “list”. I am a list person. a control freak. a planner. everything has to have it’s time and place and if it’s been done, it must be crossed off the list. and I thought that God worked a lot of that out in me through the adoption, through the 2 years of praying my kiddos home, of “my plans” not working out. but it’s back. and i’m fighting it, it’s a daily struggle.
I decided about three days ago that enough was enough. I didn’t need to plan my day according to “my list”. I know the truth, I know that everything will eventually get done. I know that it will all work out. and stressing every second about what I should be doing, was not helping anyone. but it’s a daily struggle. or hourly. or minute-ly [is that a word?] prayer to God to help me focus on what’s really important. So one thing that has been the biggest blessing to me, that I wanted to pass along + encourage you [as someone did for me] is having 1 “night off” a week. Yep, yall when I was drowning and really struggling this summer with being home all day every day with my 2 alone, a wise friend told me that when she was in that place when her kiddos were little, her husband told her that 1 night a week, at 6pm after dinner she was off. He would get the kids ready for bed, put them down, and she could do whatever she wanted. stay home and read/rest/take a bath, or leave the house to run errands/get coffee/meet with friends. and I was so excited about that thought, that I told Stephen and the following Tuesday became my “night off”. and yall, it has made me be a better mama. I think having little breaks, no matter how or when you do them, help us be better.
This past Tuesday, I knew that at 6pm my job for the day was over, and yall it made me more present. it made me think less about my “list” and more about my kids. and ya know what, we had the BEST day. We played at the park with friends for almost 2 hours, we played outside in the water, we explored around our house, we took a bath, we just did all the fun things that normally stress me out. or make me think how I’m going to have to clean it all later or how messy they will be. but Tuesday, well it was our day.
and now we move onto a new season. school! well, parents day out. last night we had meet the teacher and I am just so in awe of God. The teacher He gave us, is a good friend of my bff Jenna. She knew my kiddos names right when we walked into the door + said she even has a Camp + Asher shirt. I love how God works, and how He put this nervous first time mama’s heart at ease. My Tuesdays + Thursdays are about to get a little different than normal. I will have some time to myself! A chance to re charge, get my “list” done without kiddos, so I can be a more present and better mama when we are together. but oh how I will miss them….
New seasons. out with the old, in with the new. This weekend I plan to get caught up on pics from our summer for a little “what our summer looked like” post.
and my Noonday Collection giveaway is still going on – so be sure to enter. here.
happy Friday friends!