“I will walk through the fire with my head lifted high and my spirit revived in your story, and I’ll look to the cross as my failure is lost in the light of your glorious grace// so let the ruins come to life in the beauty of your name, rising up from the ashes God forever you reign. and my soul will find refuge in the shadow of your wings, I will love you forever and forever I’ll sing”
– Glorious Ruins//Hillsong United
[ps my lips look like that only because I guessed the baby was a girl…..#iwaswrong]
Last Sunday night was a night I hope I won’t soon forget. A night of Gods goodness and a sweet reminder that He is in control. We can trust HIM and His perfect timing and perfect plan. I went to a gender reveal party for a good friend who’s adopting domestically and I didn’t think too much about it before, but I should have known that the waterworks would start flowing right before she cut that cake [that the birth mother sent to them with instructions to have a reveal party!]. They didn’t stop all night + I’m still processing. Thanking God for letting me be a part of it. Grateful to get to watch a good friend who I live life with here in Midland go through this process. [something I’ve only dreamed about the past 2 years!]
This crazy road of adoption + infertility is not easy. It seems like there is always something trying to knock me down. I’m thankful for the community of girls that I get to walk this road with. It’s something that has bonded us. It’s like a club that you don’t want to be in – but when you are in it, all you can do is hold tight to each other. I love that in every season of struggle God has put sweet girls by my side that are going through the same thing. [both online friends + midland friends] My adoption journey brought me to more than a handful of my closest friends, and my infertility journey is bringing me to a few more precious friends that I know I’ll be bonded with forever.
It’s a hard thing to struggle with infertility when a friend is pregnant. You are obviously so happy for your friend. You know that at the end of the pregnancy there is a sweet baby that will turn into a precious toddler that will melt your heart, but selfishly it’s hard to see that when they are pregnant and you are not. Something you so desperately long for, they have. and “it’s not fair”. but you feel bad even thinking that, and everyone else feels sad telling you their happy news, which just makes it all worse. you don’t want your friends to feel sorry for you, but at the same time you are thankful that they care deeply about you and your feelings. told ya it was complicated.
but tonight was a totally new experience. I was thankful [as I am with all my friends] but in a different way. I know how much of a struggle this has been, I know how many tears have been shed and prayers have been prayed, and it was even more of a reason to celebrate. What is life if not to celebrate it together? There was not a dry eye in the room as we gathered around the table to watch them cut that cake and announce they were having a baby boy, Tilman Cade. Each time I spoke with Hope after that moment we both were in tears. Happy tears of joy and in celebration of all God has done.
[Hope + Easton, the happy mommy and daddy to be! will you pray for their adoption journey??]
It’s a struggle, but I love that God meets us in that struggle. I can say tonight that I am thankful for the challenges I’ve faced in my life that have brought me into greater intimacy with Him. Some of those struggles I don’t want to go back to, but I am thankful for them. I am thankful to have that reason to desperately depend on God alone. I wouldn’t know God in the way I do if I didn’t have these struggles. and tonight I am thankful. I am thankful that He swooped in and restored my hope right when I needed it. He showed me His goodness even in the middle of my trial and pain. I am so thankful and my spirit is REVIVED in HIS STORY! I’m holding on to the promise that “I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living” – Psalm 27:13