I have this constant need.
it’s a need for time + space. but, I know I’m not the only one that has that need. we all would probably elect to add more hours to our day if it were humanly possible. but the good Lord gifted us with 24 hours in each day for a reason, and so that’s the time frame we get to work with.
I don’t want to say it’s not enough, because of the aforementioned gift from God, but some days it feels like it’s not.
the days are long and the years are short – right? just about every time I think about that quote as a mother of little ones, I get a little misty eyed. for the love, I know the years are short. most days that makes me really sad – longing for time to slow down, time to stop, and my babies to be babies forever. but to be honest, the days right now seem very long.
yesterday I didn’t leave the house, or get out of my pajamas per say. my sweet husband came to our rescue earlier than most afternoons, and gave me some time to find my own time and space. and for that I am very grateful.
friends ask me every day, “how was Africa”. it’s such a loaded question, and one I cannot answer in the form that I would answer a “how was your weekend” question. I want to tell them, and some days I have the energy and space to do so, and some days (like this day) I just said ” I don’t know. I haven’t had the time to process”.
I’m learning so much about myself, and what I need and where I thrive. I love to be around people – I love to be creating, and connecting, and sharing stories and life. I feel alive when I’m traveling and trying new experiences and going on adventures with my family. I like to mix things up, and always have something to look forward to, something to dream of.
earlier this week, my sweet Asher didn’t want to nap so we cuddled on the couch, had some popcorn, and watched Tangled. I had never seen it, but pretty much cried through the whole thing. I love the part at the end where Rapunzle + Eugene are in the boat about to see the lights and she says something like “what if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?” and Eugene says, it will. she responds, what if it is, what do I do then? …” well that’s the good part I guess, you get to go and find a new dream”
This year has been full. major full. dreams fulfilled – amazing experiences and trips, Africa twice, the opportunity to share the story God is writing for my life – and now…now I feel like it’s all over. I cried over Tangled I think because it made me realize it WAS all I expected. and it’s over. but the good news is… I can go out and dream a new dream.
Where it gets tricky, is I am still processing and thinking and living through the dreams I’ve been living. I still want to tell those stories, and share lessons learned, and make photo books of the past few months. I don’t want it to be over – yet I’m ready for the next dream. it’s a weird place. I want to tell you more about it. I want to write about it because writing is my form of therapy. Even if no one reads, I would still write. Writing helps me see more clearly, express my thoughts in a way I can’t do when I speak or think them. I just started Aly Vesterfelts new ebook, writing to find yourself, and I love it already…
“Writing is healing. Writing is cheap therapy. Writing can help you find yourself. That is what brings me back to this terrible, treacherous, incredibly painful, slowly-but-surely process day-after-day. Not the number of copies I’ve sold. It’s the knowledge that writing is intrinsically valuable. I tend to get out even more than I put in. “
so here’s to two more weeks until my kiddos are back at school + this mama has her brain back. I crave that time alone, in a coffee shop, with my fingers on the keyboard. I have so many stories to share. life to dissect. feelings to feel and experiences to process. hang in there with me, will ya?