I was huddled in my bed last sunday all day.  I got up to take baths and that was about it.  feeling alone, in pain both emotionally and physically, broken, hurting, misunderstood.  Why do I always have to be that friend?  the one that’s brokenhearted, sending out frantic text prayer requests, and spilling my guts on instagram.  why do I crave people, and relationships, and comfort?  that might be a silly question, of coarse we all crave that.

no one wants to be alone, especially in their grief.  

Though the tears came all day, I knew joy would come in the morning.  if not joy then new mercies, coffee, and grace.  It was one of those days that I couldn’t wait until the sun went down on.  I wanted God, but I didn’t want to go to the effort.  not that day.  My hands came across one of four books I’m currently reading and it just felt right.

 Every bitter thing is sweet is a book I didn’t want to end.  All day I read Sara’s story and thought myself “she’s taking the words out of my mouth”, she has this ability to put into words thoughts that linger in my head but have no way of becoming words.  My story, in so many ways, parallels hers.  She has this way of drawing me closer to God.  

there’s something that’s been rising up in me all week, and I finally have a word for it: HUNGER.  It’s this hunger for Him that’s becoming my testimony.  I am desperate, for Him and for His presence.  I need him.  I am hungry and thirsty for his grace and his presence.

across the table this week with my friend Megan, we were talking about this hunger.  and she said words that rang so true, “it’s the currency of heaven”.  I mentally wrote that down, and it’s been ringing in my ears all week.  This hunger we have for God IS the currency of heaven.  it’s what keeps us connected to him, tethered to him.  There have been seasons of this kind of hunger in my life: infertility, the adoption wait, the weeks after leaving Ethiopia waiting for my kids to come home… but as Sara says in her book, I don’t want to be a hungry soul just for a season.  I want to LIVE HUNGER“.  

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YES.  I want to live hunger too.  I don’t want to be hungry in this crazy season of waiting for Gods promises, I want to be hungry for life.  I don’t want to want him just when my circumstances aren’t going my way, but I want to live hunger.  In one way, I want my circumstances to change so this waiting will end, but in other ways I am extremely grateful for the wait because it’s drawn me closer to him!  in a way I never would have had another way!

“I can discover that our greatest testimony isn’t found in those moments of victory over weakness or even in the moments of hope fulfilled.  It is found in waiting, wanting, adoring.  It’s found in HUNGER”! – Sara Hagerty 

this is my testimony.  it’s now.  it’s before my body is healed and carrying life.  it was before we brought camp + asher home.  it’s in the days that I’m on my knees, in desperation for him alone.  I am thankful for these seasons of waiting, of longing, of hurt and pain that drawn me closer to the one who made me, the one who sees me, and the one who wants ALL OF ME.  

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price. Revelation 12:17

I’ll be over at The Carry Camp tomorrow sharing more about this.

  • Lauren - Oh Wynne, I can’t even tell you how much I relate to this. Hunger for God has been my own personal truth these days, and I just can’t seem to get enough. I also ordered that book last week and absolutely can’t wait to read it!ReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - This is 100% what I needed to read! This is exactly how I felt about Sara’s book. I finished it a few weeks ago, but I already feel like I need to read it again. This infertility stuff is HARD. :(ReplyCancel

  • Kiersten - Oh Wynne. Sweet friend. You are so loved by so many. I am sending lots of prayers your way!ReplyCancel

  • Nicole Vinson Cole - I’m thankful for your heart and your vulnerability. I pray that I would satisfy my hunger in Him and not in the chasing of fleeting things.ReplyCancel

  • Bailey Jean Robert - Oh this is so good, Wynne! That gnawing inside of us is divine, designed to anchor us to Him! This is the reminder I didn’t know I needed.ReplyCancel

  • Libby - YES! That book I ordered for everyone that is going through infertility because it changed my perspective on so many things!!! Standing with you!ReplyCancel

You reminded me, Lord.

amidst a sanctuary full of women in my dusty west Texas town, you told me.

you reminded me and now, Lord, now I know, that you really do see me.  You love me, and you know me.

You spoke to me, through an obedient friend + sister tonight, and you reminded me that you are doing work in me during my waiting.

waiting seems to be something I should be really good at from the past 5 years of infertility + adoption, but it’s been easy recently to just sorta push it to the side.  I haven’t been waiting well.  instead, I’ve just reminded myself [and others] pretty consistently that “we are taking a break” from fertility stuff.  meaning, I don’t want to think about it, talk about it, pay for it, or pray about it.

it’s amazing how the stages of grief come in waves, and once again, I felt this surge of anger and deep deep sadness that God still hasn’t answered my prayer to heal me of my sickness, and give me a biological baby.  Why, Lord?  Why me?  Why haven’t you answered me?  Why have you forgotten about me?

there have been years of people praying over me, God speaking to me through others and His Word, prophesy, and encouragement that one day God will heal and restore and put life inside of me.  I feel like He has asked me to believe that He is ABLE to do those things.  and in the process he’s also asked me to trust and believe in him EVEN IF HE DOESN’T heal or give life.  There have been so many journeys he’s taken me down the past 5 years, I’ve learned about His character and love for me in ways I might not have without this struggle.  I’ve also felt alone, and hurt, and sad, and forgotten.  and tonight – I want to encourage myself and all of you who have also felt that way – that no matter how we feel, God has NOT forgotten us!!!

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did you hear that?  God has NOT forgotten you.

He has a perfect plan and purpose for your life!  He knit you together in your mothers womb and He loves you.  he delights over you, the bible says.

I know, in the middle of the storm, it’s so hard to remember that.  I literally have notes saved in my phone when friends have spoken those words to me from the Lord.

January 19, 2014 “tonight Brandi and Krista prayed over me,  they reminded me to not give up, to ask for healing, they reminded me of the power of prayer.  the next morning Brandi told me God has set me apart and he has NOT overlooked me”

August 17th  will be another one – the night Jami spoke from the stage during worship a word that landed on my heart – I can believe again, He sees me and loves me.  Keep the faith.

I want to be the one to tell YOU today, sweet sister, that God has NOT forgotten you.  I want you to believe with fresh eyes and fresh faith today that He loves you, He’s called you his, and He has a wonderful plan.  hold on.  it’s so hard to believe a lot of days that He hasn’t forgotten you, but believe it today.

here’s to believing again!

  • Lauren Casper - Yes. God can do anything!!! And the greatest healing happens in our hearts. PRAYING and BELIEVING with you!! xoxoxoReplyCancel

  • Regina Collins Simon - I appreciate the comment – I haven’t been waiting well. This is why I’ve just resigned from my job with no plans in place. I must sit and wait and listen and hear His voice and move forward in that. Rather than all of the taking, and making and controlling and fixing I’ve attempted to do. He has not forgotten us. He has waited patiently and compassionately with His plan for us. Eager to receive.ReplyCancel

The Harpers from Stonegate Fellowship on Vimeo.

these are our sweet friends, the Harpers. They have been in Kona, Hawaii since September going through YWAM’s discipleship training school.  Wendy, Sid, Sydnie, Baylie, Tate, Jonathan, Emme, Kenlie, Charlie + Levi…yes, you read that right all 10 of them [sweet Lacey is in South Africa living her story].  They leave in less than 3 weeks for their outreach in Uganda and then wherever God leads them!  Watching their faith and the way they’ve just “taken the next step” has so inspired me.  It’s encouraged us in our journey to simply trust God, and take the next step.  anyway, I just wanted to introduce them to you if you don’t know them yet.  they are a family worth getting to know.

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so I ask you today…will you be a part of their story?? 

will you pray for them? 

for no sickness/for transition to a new country/logistics of getting everything from Hawaii to Uganda/for funds to get a vehicle in Uganda/open hearts for those they will minister to/Holy Spirit to lead all they do

follow their story? blog//facebook//instagram

consider partnering with them monthly

**they currently have half their monthly support raised – but need the other half which is $2500/mo.  consider partnering with them- $10/mo, $20/mo, whatever you can do!…it goes a long way and they would be SO THANKFUL!  give here! ** 

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I love my sweet friends, who are more like family, and can’t wait to watch their story continue to unfold!!!

 let’s do something with all this THANKFULNESS we have in our hearts.…let’s give, support, and pray for the Harpers!

  • Ali - Oh I love this! I especially liked what the Harper dad said at the beginning: “When you don’t know what God is calling you to do, just take the next step.” This ties in so well with the She Reads Truth Advent Plan reading from yesterday. In Genesis 12:4, Abraham said something to the effect of Abraham went as the Lord told him…

    Sometimes you just have to say YES, even though this is much easier said than done!ReplyCancel

  • Harper's All In - Thank you Wynne for such a sweet post! You & Stephen are our biggest cheerleaders & we love your excitement & encouragement!ReplyCancel

  • Kelsee - this post has me all weepy eyed. The Harper’s are family (literally and figuratively). I have LOVED watching the way God continues to transform their family as they continue to respond with Yes!! What a blessing the 10 of them are and will be in the coming weeks, months, and years!!ReplyCancel

so friends, I get A LOT of people that ask me questions about fundraising for adoptions. [ I even have a section on this blog for fundraising ideas!]  We fundraised for about 2 years when we were adopting, and had a lot of success with it!  It was a great way to involve other people and invite them INTO THE STORY!  I know for some people, it’s really uncomfortable to ask people for money but I chose to see it that you are inviting them into the story.  giving them an opportunity to be a part of your adoption.  you see, EVERYONE is called to care for the orphan [James 1:27] and for some that’s adopting + for some that’s supporting the people who are adopting.  I can think of quite a few people in my mind that were a HUGE part of our adoption process by giving, praying, supporting, and helping us fundraise!

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So I’m SO EXCITED to share with you an amazing resource if you are adopting and don’t know where the heck to start!  my good friend + pretty much my first adoption friend Lauren is releasing her ebook “How to fund your adoption” today on kindle, nook, and PDF formats.  It’s chalk full of information that will get you headed in the right direction!

She’s also doing a big giveaway on her blog today - so head over and check it out!  you might just win you a Noonday Collection gift card, just in time for holiday shopping!

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is it weird that I sit up late at night missing my friends?  in my own town.  I’ve had this fear ever since I told them that we were moving, that it would seem like I was already gone.  like they would forget about me.  they haven’t done that at all – but I can’t help but miss them already.  miss knowing I”ll be at their newborns first birthday party next year, miss thinking about the dinner parties I’ll miss out on, and the group texts that I’ll feel out of place on pretty soon…we’ve lived so much life here, that it’s weird to think this place will no longer be our home.  at church the other week, we got sweet looks and pats on the shoulder from several of our pastor friends during the service.  I don’t really even have the words, it was just weird knowing that was one of the last wednseday nights we’ll gather with our church body in Midland and it made me a little sad.

moving on is hard.  it’s exciting.  it’s bittersweet.

we have a contract on a house in Bryan and y’all it’s our dream!  It’s got so much charm, and character, and was built in 1941!  I can’t wait to make it our own.  now we’ve been trying to sell our home in Midland.   a place that’s been our own since 2008.  the home we brought our kids back from Ethiopia to.  the home we’ve gathered friends and neighbors over meals, and parties, and play dates.  the home that friends feel welcome to simply walk in the front door to for almost 7 years.  when my husband texted me a picture of the for sale sign in the yard yesterday, my heart skipped a beat.  we would appreciate your prayers in all this moving/selling/buying process.  because y’all,

this. is. real.

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and I still have so much of this God sized story to share with you.  time has escaped me to be able to sit down, write and process.  we’ve been so in a season of preparation – that one would think there would be time for that, but alas.  it will come.  in His perfect timing.

this morning I got a few minutes away {while my cousin watches the kids} to have some chill time at my favorite coffee shop in the universe.  my college / hometown spot – common grounds.  so this morning, I will sip my cabenero coffee, listen to All Sons + Daughters on pandora, and take a deep breath.

Happy thanksgiving, friends. we have so much to be thankful for.  soak it all in this week.  eat too much turkey.  laugh with your family.  stay up late drinking wine with your sisters.  give God thanks for all He’s done and all He’s going to do.  even when things seem uncertain, and times are tough.  He is good.  He is working all things for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose.  rest in that and be thankful.

love y’all.

  • Jennifer King - I understand your fears of being forgotten. Every time we move (thanks USMC!) our friends either get super close or act like we are the plague until we move. Thankfully we serve a God who knows and understands and love us no matter what. I’m praying for you and your family and friends during this transition.ReplyCancel

  • Andrea Worley - your spot on about moving, it’s so exciting yet bittersweet. prayers for you and your family during this time. :) happy thanksgiving!ReplyCancel

  • jen - I so get this. We moved from austin to Florida 2.5 mths ago and it was sooo hard for me to think about leaving the friendships i had there. Even still, i get sad thinking about the bday parties, baby showers and dinners out that i am missing. It’s hard starting over and moving to new things BUT just because it’s hard doesn’t mean that it won’t be the good and right thing. One of my main prayers for our move is that the Lord would use me to help foster and grow community and relationships here like i had in austin. I feel like He taught me so much about what true, intentional and gospel community is through my friends there and i pray i can be a part of that extending that to others.ReplyCancel

  • Melissa Blair - Hi, mama. I’ve missed you. Reading you this morning, I felt like i was sitting right beside you in those muy cute tights in that swanky swank coffee shop..and my heart aches because I’m NOT! I miss you so much. Feel every word of this…have felt it many times before. So. beyond. excited to see what God has for you in your new space (a house?!?!?) since He moved you there…it will be amazing. In the meantime, feel every bit of the good bad and ugly…this is the good part of life. I love you.ReplyCancel

  • The Gray Matters - I definitely understand exactly the feeling you mean. I had it, too, and it hasn’t exactly gone away yet. Praying for peace as you guys transition. I know for me, the easiest and hardest thing to do has been to stand on our call to come here. Sometimes I want to scream, “WHY? WHY? WHY?” and other times I’m so grateful the call was so clear because it makes the tough days a little easier.

    So glad y’all found a home. We hope to see you guys and connect once you’re in BCS since we’re there fairly often.ReplyCancel