{So I wrote this late summer & just found it! Sort of goes with what we are talking about so I thought I’d post!!!}
I’ve gotten the chance recently to re tell our adoption story to friends in person. It’s always fun to tell people in person what God has done and I feel like there are questions people ask that sometimes aren’t addressed on the blog. So I thought I’d answer a few questions that people ask to give you a better idea of what God has done in our lives & hearts this past year.
So, you weren’t one of those people who “always wanted to adopt?”
Nope, not at all. When my friend Katie said “have you ever thought about adoption” I sort of gave her a look of confusion & disgust honestly. No, I hadn’t thought of it. See, I believed the lie that adoption was only for people who “always knew” they would adopt. It wasn’t for regular people like me, no way! Friends – don’t believe that adoption is only for “those people” but know that if God chooses to put it on your heart He is calling YOU to it too possibly. Our prayer though this process is that people will see us (their friends) and have a better idea of the process & know that if we can do it, so can they!
You can’t have your own kids, is that why you are adopting?
Well, we don’t know if we can’t. Honestly, God changed my heart overnight in August of 2009 and told me I was ready to be a mom – we then talked about it/prayed about it and decided that if it was God’s will we would get pregnant, but if not then we were ok with that too for the time being. Well anyone who’s tried to get pregnant knows that you can only go a few months with being ok with not getting pregnant then (for me at least) you try to control it and make it happen. At one point I had 25 friends in Midland alone that were pregnant. It was a really hard time in my life – every month that aunt flow came to visit I had at least 1 good friend call me on that day to tell me she was pregnant. That was tough. Something I wanted so bad, something I felt God put on my heart – to be a mom, wasn’t happening. When my friend Katie asked why we didn’t have kids I told her a quick run down of that story. My good friends knew the story, they knew we were trying to get pregnant, they knew it was hard for me but the story in general wasn’t public knowledge. It’s a very emotional thing and an emotional time.
So…..how did you decide to adopt?
Two summers ago (2010) I was so busy with my job at Opportunity Camp that I told God I had to just give it all up to Him (finally!) and sort of “take a break” for the summer. It was too much to think about and my heart and mind did not need to be distracted for the summer. I wanted to focus on camp, the kids, my job and I would worry about trying to get preg later. Well, the day we got back from the 2nd week of Camp I was supposed to go to my doctor to continue to talk about infertility treatments & start going down that road. But God intervened before I could go! My doctor had to cancel the appt, then I couldn’t reschedule because we were going on family vacation. Looking back it was such a God thing. We were on the verge of starting fertility treatments, but God put adoption in our path. He changed my heart. So, long story short – I can’t say we are infertile. We haven’t gone down that road far enough to say that we can’t ever have biological kids. We still hope that we will, but we know that God has a plan and we are done with trying to plan it all out. He’s in control!
So He put adoption on your heart, then what?
Well, I started praying about it and honestly it was all I could think about for a while. It was amazing what God put in our path. my friend Brynn said best when she said it just started “following us around”
- went to Stephen’s best friends wedding & the ring bearer was from Ethiopia {never met anyone from ethiopia before}. His mom & I became friends (she is a photog too!) and she was the first one to tell me about the adoption process. She told me all about the different requirements that each country has, and told me about several adoption agencies.
- also at the wedding we reconnected with friends who just got back from living in Africa (they were in peace core), we also met a girl who grew up in china where her parents ran a christian orphanage {so many people with heart for adoption/africa}
- after the wedding on the way to family vaca, I looked up Gladney on my phone. read all about all the countries & their requirements.
- remembered a post from a photog from San Antonio’s blog that said they were adopting from Ethiopia & then went to her adoption blog and read every. single. post. ordered books she reccomended from my phone (thanks amazon!) – Jenn is now one of my great friends!
- remembered my good friend from high school, Alison, talked about on her facebook starting process to adopt from Ethiopia….contacted her
- got back from trip & went straight to bachelorette party for my good friend Jordan and sat across the table from her soon to be sister in law, Meme, who told me that she sold jewelry on the side to raise $ for the team she leads to China every year with Visiting Orphans because she wants to adopt from China one day (tears!)
- lots of contact with above people about adoption!
- read on facebook that my fave humanitarian photographer, Esther Havens, was speaking at a conference in Austin (Together for Adoption!) about how to tell a story – decided I wanted to go. Found out later it was an adoption conference! Was telling my good friend, Alison Brown, about it at lunch one day & she told me that her family was looking to adopt & her mom was going to the conference. Her mom happened to be my boss’ sister in law. I called her immediately. We met up in Austin in October to go to conference together. (Holly is now one of my great friends & mentors and they are waiting to get matched with a baby/or two from Uganda!)
- Stephen came to conference the 2nd day – god laid it on his heart through the Holy Spirit after the prayed about it, he was in. we started research! October 17th we sent in our first paperwork! whew!
So, Stephen was or wasn’t on board that whole time?
So what does the bible say about adoption?
Do you still get upset when friends get pregnant? What is yalls plan for that?
Honestly, we don’t have a plan. Trying to adopt & trying to get pregnant are BOTH such huge things. They are both so emotional that trying to do both at the same time is just not a good idea for us. So, we don’t really have a plan. Yes, we still have hope that we’ll have biological kids (because all of our kids will be “our own kids”) but if God chooses only to grow our family through adoption we are becoming content with that too. and I LOVE when my friends get pregnant. Sometimes it’s hard because that might be an experience that I’ll never have, and as a woman that is a little tough. But I know that God has a beautiful plan for us and our family and that has nothing to do with his beautiful plan for my friends & their families. I am overjoyed when new life is upon my friends! It’s really hard because I know those friends want to be sensitive to me & my feelings (which I fully appreciate) but I also don’t want them to not want to tell me or feel bad telling me because of what I’ve been through. That is really tough spot for them and me & I don’t know how to change that. It’s just life!
Ok, I’m getting out of control here. I have so many others but I will save those for round 2. If you have questions – please comment or email me @ wynne.elder@gmail.com
This is pretty cool…..
a new site for people wanting to know more about adoption! It has all sorts of good info & then “others on the journey” – so you can go read about other people’s stories! This is what our page looks like:
You can find it here: http://the-elder-family.adoptionjourney.com/
ps – have you visted the Knights Give1Save1 campaign?
do so here:
I <3 adoption.
I really enjoyed reading your adoption story!
http://www.rebeccabany.com
Wow! I love how you tell this story! I am adopted, so I love hearing stories about adoption. I am Holly Brown’s sister-in-law, Allison’s aunt, etc.