I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been in a place of brokenness and spiritual attack the past couple weeks. Really struggling, being anxious, lonely, depressed a little bit. The enemy had me right where he wanted me. I couldn’t take it any longer and two nights ago (Tuesday) I went into the babies room while Stephen was still at work and cried out to God like I’ve never cried out before. I asked loudly and boldly for the enemy to leave us alone in the name of Jesus. I prayed over our babies, I prayed and cried and begged God to move. To open the doors for our court date. At the end of my cry/pray/on my knees fest I felt better. I felt a peace. I spoke and prayed in the most calm voice I have ever had in my life. It felt surreal. Last time I felt a burden to pray for the kids was right before we got submitted to court. And just like last time, this verse came to me at the beginning of my prayers, “let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you” proverbs 4:25
I prayed with faith. God lifted me up. Last night at the end of my day I was taking a bath & listening to some worship songs on my phone. “Find you on my knees” by Kari Jobe came on (which randomly is the song Emme Knight always plays on my phone) and I just cried. listen to the song – but here are some of the words….
But I will find you in the place I’m in, find you when I’m at my end,Find you when there’s nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.You lift me up, you’ll never leave me thirsty,When I am weak, when I am lost and searchingI’ll find you on my knees.When my hope is gone, when the fear is strongWhen the pain is real, when it’s hard to healWhen my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know thatYou lift me up, you’ll never leave me searching
basically the next 30 hours is a blur.
it was stressful. it was exciting. lots of paperwork. calling my parents at midnight to see if they could still come (they are!). the night ended with 20 of my closest friends in Midland swarming my house to help get me ready. my small army I call them. I sent out an SOS yesterday late afternoon and they swarmed in with food, fro yo, camera cards, organizational skills, goodies, prayers, love, encouragement. it was like a dream! I am crying now just thinking about it. I kept saying “this is like a dream”.
they organized me, packed my camera bag, charged all my stuff, picked out my clothes, hung EVERYTHING in the nursery that needed hanging (basically it was like HGTV at my house), made lists, gave jobs, did laundry, ran errands, worked on camp+ asher shirts, hung out with me! the harpers came over later & sid gave us a little encouragement talk and they all prayed over us. my house literally in 24 hours went from me feeling depressed and alone to having a FULL house of my favorite people! I wish we had video!
- my parents are meeting up w/ us on our layover in frankfurt. they will be there as we MEET our babies Saturday morning at 10 (friday night in the states!)
- when we get to ethiopia, our good friend Alison Holcolm will be waiting! she’s flying over from rwanda to PHOTOGRAPH us meeting our kids
- meet the babies sat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- court monday afternoon (there is a 8 hour time difference)
- visit with the babies every day between meeting & court
- parents go home monday night, stephen wednesday night
- i stay!!!!! until we pass embassy (wait could be anywhere from 4-8 weeks)
- i’ll be living with our friends who run project 61 — doing mission stuff all summer. and hopefully taking pics of families meeting THEIR kids. living the DREAM!!!!
- i probably won’t get to see the kids that much between when stephen leaves & embassy – but if I do i’ll be pleasantly surprised & excited!!!