after my talk with carol last monday (the day that gave me a grey hair) i knew in my heart I am supposed to go home. I felt peace and then I got a new wind & new energy.
it’s was a great (and difficult) week with the boys but I finally felt like I said what I needed to say – asking them if they have truly asked Jesus into their hearts.
I’ve planted the seed & I’ll keep watering it. but now I need to trust Jesus to preform the miracles. he’s the only one who can transform those boys from the inside out.
now – the thought of going home haunts me again.
and reading in Live Dead journal this morning I was really convicted.
it was all about sacrifice – and I realized that it wasn’t as much of a sacrifice for me to be here this summer. I am living out my dream.
it’s Stephen who’s making the sacrifice.
and it seems like, once again, I need to lay aside MY dreams and MY plans for the Lords.
to put my ministry, my boys, and my dreams up on the altar and trust God with them.
I remember last time I gave him my dreams (of getting pregnant)….and I am living in the outcome. God gave me a supernatural love & passion for orphans and for the people of Korah, Ethiopia. and I will NEVER be the same, in Jesus name.
I can’t EVEN imagine my life without camp + asher and my kids in Korah.
can’t. even. imagine.
so, I will give my dreams and passion for being a missionary in Ethiopia to God.
I will respect & honor my husband and our marriage & go home to him.
i will go home to the most important job I have – being a wife!
and I will trust that God honors obedience.
i will pray that He brings me back here, with my husband, very very soon to bring home our precious babies.
the thought of going to the airport (with no doubt a van full of kids in tow) and getting on the plane to America all ALONE haunts me.
but there is no fear in love. perfect love drives out fear.
so I will trade fear for trust.
i will put my hope (tesfa!) in my almighty god.
i will mourn. and I will no doubt bawl my eyes out. but I will trust that god is in control.
he’s got this.
he hasn’t brought us this far to leave us.
he can do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine.
and he will.