I have to say that I loved using my social media voice and “disappear” for the End it campaign. praying and asking God to break my heart for these 27 million people who’ve disappeared. human trafficking is one of those things I want to be more broken over. or really I want to act more on my brokenness. and it was really nice to be away from social media for the day. it really helped clear my head and heart + I’ve got some thoughts yall.
It seems like recently God keeps inturrupting my “me time” at night to instead hear from amazing believers that are LIVING their story OUT LOUD. like seriously I’ll just be there watching TV & all of a sudden I’ll be on a conference call with Jen Hatmaker. or a 17 year old girl will ring my doorbell with a really scary taxidermy monkey staring me in the eye to tell me about her trip to India/Uganda she’s raising money for. Or while enjoying a glass of wine in a nice bubble bath, Jeff Goins words in his book Wrecked, will pretty much wreck me. like how can I go back to watching The Bachelor after Jen Hatmaker talks about the statistics of human trafficking? there is so much more out there my friends than what I spend my time on. and I think the enemy has been DISTRACTING me with tv/busyness/birthday parties/etc and I’m sick of it. He’s done the same with my core group of missional sisters and that usually means that God is up to something! spiritual attack in my life almost always means God is trying to do something in my heart.
I feel like Satan is trying to steal this life, this “ruined life” we are living + inch it back to my “life before being ruined” and I want nothing to do with it. I’ve been feeling the weight of how difficult it is to “be different”. I feel like for a season it was more or less “cool” for me to be different [I know thats horrible to admit]. As someone who has spent most of her life trying to “fit in” or “please people” – this ruined life is really good for me. It’s freeing. I think going to Africa, being ruined, praying thorugh lots of insecurities and putting a name to my craft – I am an ARTIST!, all contributed to that freeing feeling. but sometimes – sometimes I don’t feel confident in who I am and the life God has called me to live. The set apart life. He never promised as believers our life would be easy and He never said it was about US. nope, it sure isn’t. it’s about HIM – making Him known, knowing Him more, making Him famous. why is it so easy to make it about us? guilty here.
I needed a good pep talk. a “you are fighting the good fight” pep talk and I’m grateful for friends and mentors and inspiring + authentic christian writers and teachers who have done just that for my soul. and helped me get OUTSIDE of myself and get my eyes OFF me and back ONTO jesus. our pastor this past Sunday reminded me that I need to look to Gods WORD for wisdom, direction, answers. I need to PRAY through His word, be a continual reader of His Word and ASK HIM to show me His promises for me in the scriptures. and so it’s begun again.
I have a little pep talk I wrote for myself that I want to share with you.
It will be up here tomorrow so check back!
For I the Lord love justice;
I hate robbery and wrong;
I will faithfully give them their recompense,
and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their offspring shall be known among the nations,
and their descendants in the midst of the peoples;
all who see them shall acknowledge them,
that they are an offspring the Lord has blessed.
10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,
so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
to sprout up before all the nations.