learning to say no.

I am slowly getting into the routine of this new season + one of my most favorite times of the week is Thrsuday mornings.  It’s the time I have carved out for some “alone time”.  It’s true, I am an extrovert.  but I also have some introversion in me.  and I crave some time alone.  no text messages, no phone calls, no to do lists, just good old fashioned time alone.  I got to a coffee shop, set up shop and sip on a yummy hot beverage.  I do my bible study, I write, I dream, I blog.  it’s my time.  and I’ve had to protect this time [well and all my time really].  let me explain.

I am a former people pleaser.  a recovering people pleaser.  someone who wants to please people way too much.  this gets me into trouble and this week it almost broke me.  I was sitting at play group this week + said to three of my gals sitting at the table with me, “so do you feel like all day every day all you do is things other people ask you to do?”  like every day?  they sorta looked at me with blank stares and then gently reminded me I need to read the book “Boundaries”.  I have a hard time saying no.  To fabulous opportunities, to quick things I can do to help a friend out, to doing favors, to ministry opportunities, to all of the above and more.  If I can help someone, I will do it.  and I don’t think that part of me will ever change.  I just need to learn boundaries.  I need to learn when to say “yes” and when to say “ya know I’d love to help you, but I just am not able to right now”.  I heard someone recently say “if you can do a favor for someone that takes 5 min or less and you know it will help them, you should do it.”  and I agree.  I do those things all day long.  but what I need to learn to say no to more often are the bigger things.  I want to help everyone, minister to everyone, be there for every friend, go on every trip, serve in every area, and I am coming to grips with the fact that I can’t physically do that.

First off, that takes away from my husband + my family, who are for the record my first + second responsibilities and priorities in this earthly life.  When I say yes to everyone, I am saying no to them.  Yes to great opportunities, no to my family.  you get the picture?

So this week I called a very trusted friend + sister in Christ. ya know when you just need someone that really knows you to speak truth, be bold, and call you out?  well Krista did just that, lovingly.  She reminded me that I am to please Christ about all else.  I am to seek Him and his will first.  She asked me some good questions, and I realized that the reason I hate saying no to people [mainly to friends] is because I don’t want to disappoint them.  What she lovingly and boldly told me was I am NOT on here on this earth to win the approval of PEOPLE!  I am here to seek and please the Lord.  To grow in my relationship with Him, to follow His leading, and to act accordingly with my time.

It was freeing.  [are you seeing a theme?]  After our conversation I said no to two great opportunities that I really really wanted to do right now in this season but just knew it was too much for me.  and ya know what?  BOTH people have responded lovingly and said, “I totally understand and the door is always open when you are ready”  how amazing is that?  that was not hard.

So I’m learning.  learning to say no.  learning to listen to God, to really listen.  to not be distracted by everything and everyone in my life that needs my time + attention, but listening to GOD and where He needs me.  and be confident in what He has called me to.  and not guilty for saying no + disappointing people.  I agree with Krista’s prayer over me last night that I would be freed from seeking others apporval + instead seek to please God alone.

what about you?  are you a people pleaser?  what have you learned in your journey to seek + please god above all else?

Hey, I'm Wynne!

Hi, friend! First, I truly am so giddy that you are here. I want you to know I 100% believe in you and all the ways you are growing towards living a more intentional life. I can’t wait to get to know you and your story, and I genuinely hope you are encouraged from our time together here.

A little about me, I’m a type 7 on the enneagram, a total extrovert + people lover, entrepreneur, connector, storyteller, people gatherer, and passionate wife, mama + friend. I feel most alive when I’m exploring new places and surrounded by people I love. Give me a day in the outdoors disconnected from wifi, and I am a happy girl. I run on oat milk lattes, Jesus, gratitude journaling and kitchen dance parties with my three kids.
Welcome, come on in!

let'e be friends

  1. Krista says:

    Oh sweet friend. I am so glad that God is growing you in this area! You are so precious to me and I love seeing him continue to make you more like himself! Love you friend! Great big hug!

  2. alison says:

    i am 100% excited that he’s teaching you this right now:) i had a whole thing typed out, but we need to chat in person! haha. love you friend!!

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