I feel like my life lately has been all about lists. Not necessarily to do lists that I write down and check things off of, but just a steady flow of “things” that I do every day. We were at dinner last week at friends house, and my phone alarm at 6pm went off. “Ah, that’s what happened” I said to myself as I realized why my alarm didn’t go off that morning. My friend, Will, says “what in the world do you DO at 6 am?” Truth be told, I am a snooze-r. It typically takes me 30 minutes to get outta bed after my alarm first goes off. But I am actually starting to like getting up early. No, I don’t physically like getting up, but I love the results it brings. I love being able to get dressed, make the bed, make my pot of coffee, water the plants, turn on the lamps and pour that first cup of steaming hot coffee and sit with my bible open on the front porch. When I do these things, my day seems to go much smoother than when I wake up to the kids banging on their cribs down the hall.
So many times though, when I wake up it’s all about what I can accomplish. It seems to be worse when I don’t have a ton of stuff on my plate – that means I make stuff up. I’m always try to stay “caught up” on dishes, laundry, cleaning, emails, messages…. but I realized something this week. I will never be caught up.
do you feel the same way?
even if I get “caught up”, there will always be more laundry to do, more dishes to clean and more emails that need responses. so why do I try so hard to “keep up?” I think it’s my way of avoiding the silence.
I read this enlightening post by Mike Foster on the Storyline blog recently that said this,
“Quietness and being alone with our thoughts can be scary. We need a little something extra to drown out the silence.
The noise is often just a Band-Aid to pain. The low hum helps us from facing the deeper parts of our story. The incomprehensible chatter in the background fills the lonely space.
At the core, noise is escapism, yet it keeps us from being free.
He goes on to challenge us to stick around with the silence. To allow ourselves to sit with the hurts, grieve what is lost and allow our thoughts to move to the deeper “unexplored” parts of our story. I want to take that challenge. I’ve taken it before, and it’s hard y’all. Living in that silence, alone with your thoughts, but I miss it. I want it. I want to grieve my losses well, I want to explore the parts of my story that are hard to look at, I want to have time to reflect and write and journal.
That’s where I am right now. Wanting to turn the laptop off at night, and be still and be quiet. Wanting to leave my phone in the house when I go in the backyard to play with the kids. Wanting to embrace the silence, and see what song of freedom God might be singing over me.
I’ll leave you with these words from Mike,
“I believe on the other side of our discomfort with silence is a symphony of new sounds waiting to be discovered. It might be where you discover a new truth of who you are and a song of freedom that you’ve been waiting to hear.”