let me just start by saying this…
I never thought, nor did I ever dream, of being “the infertility girl”.
I don’t think any of us who are suffering through infertility, and openly sharing our hearts and stories online, or in ministry ever did.
but alas, here I am. and honestly, it’s an honor.
to share my life, my struggles, and joy, my hopes and disappointments all in the middle of the journey.
I’ve found that people can fairly easily talk about those rough patches once they’re back on smooth ground. But I don’t hear people talking about it when they’re stuck in the middle; at least not outside their trusted circle of family and friends. But you know what’s even harder than walking through the toughest time in my life? Pretending I’m not. I can’t and I won’t. I will not put on a mask of perfection when my heart is aching on the best days and feels like it’s being ripped in two on the worst days. I sometimes want to hang a sign around my neck that says, “Tread lightly. Broken heart inside.”
People often tell me I’m brave for sharing my story. I don’t feel brave. I feel free. I’m free of guilt and shame. I’m free of worrying about any sort of reputation that I may or may not have. Freedom in Christ is so very real in my life. And the more I talk, the more my story is in the light and able to be used for His glory. I want others to experience that same freedom. The sin in my past is ugly. But God is already redeeming it and I think I’ve only seen a fraction of the redemption to come.