Wynne here, checking in for
therapy writing alone time. on this LAST day of school for the year….
I take a deep breath in and out, smile at the woman across from me at the coffee shop, take a big sip of my sweet eugene latte, blast austin stone worship in my ears and settle in….
It’s been quite a few months of transition. Time to sit down and process through writing has been limited, but as I stood in the parking lot with my new friend Tara this morning I’m reminded that God gave me this gift + this outlet, and I need to use it. I will not be the mom, friend, sister, mercy-giver that He’s made me to be unless I myself am filled up. In my filling up, I then overflow onto my children, my husband, our community, and the people the Lord has put in my path.
It’s purely the mercy of God that I am in this place. from the desert to this rainy town. there are days I look through old pictures from our former life in Midland and miss it deeply. I miss the familiarity, the known, the comfort, the rhythm, the people, my porch. I start to realize I don’t have all of those things here yet, or not fully yet. but looking back causes my heart to flutter, my hands to sweat, and me to doubt. but doubt what? doubt what I know. doubt the HOPE I have in Christ.
I know in my spirit that the Lord asked us to lay down our lives, leave what we knew, and HE alone called us here. it’s exciting, really. but after the excitement and newness wears off, real life begins. new rhythms, new people, new environment, and a level of un-comfofortableness that I used to crave [in theory].
you see, our lives have ALREADY been gloriously ruined. right? I got this. Our lives were flipped upside down before, remember? the whole adoption thing? the whole Africa missions thing? changing the way we purchase, recycle, give, live. Lord, I’ve already opened my hands for you to give and take. Now? We’ve got this. you’ve called us here, and we said yes! isn’t that enough Lord?
oh friends, even typing that I have knots in my stomach. to hear and feel the CLINCHED FISTS that I currently have. Why must I be so terrified to open them up and tell God he can have ANYTHING?
I know that the Lord moved us out of the desert to this town full of trees for a reason. for more than one reason. and while we’ve been obedient to COME and to say YES, there’s more that He wants from us. I know in my spirit WRECKING and RUINING is coming again. but with that…BREAKTHROUGH and more freedom than I can dare to imagine.
I know it is.
now is the time to open my clinched fists.
to tell the Lord He can do whatever He wants with us.
to present my body as a LIVING SACRIFICE. [romans 12:1]
there is such hope friends, even when we are afraid.
I clearly don’t have it figured out. I’m in the middle of the struggle yet again. I’m asking, searching the scripture, praying,
talking crying it out with good friends who listen and council me, shakily holding up my hands to the one who loves me and gave his life to set me free. victory is ours for the taking, friends.
I love that as I was browsing my pictures for this post, I came across this one. It makes me stop and actually breathe for the first time since I started writing. Isaiah 43:19 [not 44…]
what’s holding you back from giving Jesus all? and what’s a truth you can speak over your situation?
thankful to be walking this road alongside of you.