“I did wonder sometimes, when I closed my eyes and let it get scary quiet, if I was missing the best things, the things that matter most, because I was afraid. He knows we keep chasing other loves until we LOVE HIM MOST” – Jennie Allen, Anything
do you sometimes feel like the hustle is too much?
or like our “real in-front-of-us-life” is way more important than the things we try to “build” online [or elsewhere]?
honestly, y’all. I’m struggling. after months away from this space, I sit here trying to motivate myself to write. I have so much bubbling inside me that I want to say. things I get to say to my 20 something friend that sits next to me on the couch at the haven on wednesday mornings. or questions my core group girls and I ask each other on Monday nights around wine + salsa. thoughts and challenges thrown around on group voxer chats with friends near and far throughout the week.
the time I’ve gotten to spend investing in people right in front of me in this season has been so sweet. not always easy or convenient, and a whole lot messier than this blog. you can’t “walk into” this space and expect to see toys scattered, a sink full of dirty dishes, laundry on the kitchen table, or pee pee undies in the corner. I can easily clean up my act for you here, but in my real life..not a chance. you are welcome anytime through my side door, just use caution when entering.
I’ve come to love the real and messy community that I’ve found myself in. I’ve found people that love me for ME. not for what I “do”, or what I can offer them, but simply because they love me. [and yes, there were lots of tears during this monday night conversation]
it’s just gotten me thinking….maybe we spend much of our time trying to put up a front for people to see.
we try to clean up our mess, put on a good face.
well I’m tired of that shit.
we can spend our whole lives trying to be who everyone expects us to be, or we can just be who we are. plain and simple. not comparing, or striving, or measuring up, just Wynne. or just _____.
do you feel this tension in your life?
I want to share what God is doing where he’s called me, and if that continues to be here then so be it! but I also want to be open handed enough to say, “God, anything”. you can have it all.
this space isn’t about me.
but it is about not holding back the gifts + passions the Lord has given me for his glory. it is about laying down the fear that I’m not enough, or that I am too much. and if I’m honest, one moment I fear not mattering, and then next I fear success.
last thought today…one thing I’ve learned this summer is I never want to hustle enough to “get myself somewhere”. does that make sense? I want every opportunity I’m given to share, speak, go, stay, or love to come from the Lord. not from anything I did to get myself there [because then I would have to inevitably keep myself there] but only a place where I can look back and say, “SEE!” ONLY GOD! where it’s only HIS GRACE! I hope and pray this message resonates with you and I’m not along in this struggle for hustle and meaning.
practically, what that looks like for me here + in the real life spaces I encounter daily is simple: it involves a lot of checking my heart and my motives. asking myself “why” I’m really doing what I’m doing, and who I’m doing it for. and on a deep level, that means being in God’s Word daily and opening myself to hear from Him. it’s quite straightforward – He wants all of us, so if we keep our eyes focused on Him and seek first HIS kingdom, all these things shall be added to us.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
what about you, where do you find your soul is trying to hustle?