I’d like you to consider that this is a glimpse into my personal journal. I wrote this post the 2nd night in Kigali as a form of therapy [as a lot of my writing is]. I sent it out to my prayer list friends, and chose not to post it. but now, looking back, I want you my sweet readers, to see where my heart was then. I hope it encourages you, I hope it pushes you to believe that there is MORE for you as a believer. I hope you know that we don’t have to believe the lies, or fall into the comparison trap, but instead
walk run into the freedom we have as daughters of the living God.
that’s how I feel like right now. out of my comfort zone. surrounded by amazingly beautiful talented successful women.
and then there’s me.
small town girl.
I fight the feelings of unworthiness. I fight the truth of knowing who I am. I let the enemy get into my head today and LIE to me and tell me I’m not enough. I let comparison steal my joy. I let fear win.
but ya know what? when I was sitting around the table at dinner tonight, hiding behind my Warby Parkers, trying to not spill my guts and lose it with the 5 girls sitting around me, I broke.
I was vulnerable, and authentic, and real. and you know what? they were real too.
they have fears, they question who they are and what their purpose is, but the thing that unites us?
we are “DOING IT AFRAID” [thanks Jessica!]
we aren’t waiting until we are in our “comfort zone”, or have new carpets on our floors, or are able to run a business and clean our house at the same time. we are messy. we are afraid every second that we aren’t doing it right, or we aren’t enough.
but the truth?
we have everything we need in Christ. in him we are NEW creations. in him we live and move and have our being. we are rooted and established in Him and him alone.
when the enemy tries to to lie and tell me that I need approval from man and need to be perfect to be loved, I can tell him to go back to where he belongs.
I am Gods. I walk in the freedom that only He gives. I am His daughter. I am free!
and you know what?
YOU ARE TOO!
it’s been emotional, stretching, and while I’ve been fighting the fear + comparison trap, I didn’t expect to feel this out of my comfort zone. but it’s truly a gift – pushing me on, leading me forward, harnessing my voice and the story God has give me to share with the world.
I hope this encourages you. I hope you know if you too are sometimes stuck in this stealer-of-joy comparison trap, there is a way out. it’s jesus. knowing who we are in Him. knowing and believing that we are valuable. we are loved. we are significant.
we are His.
my friend Jennie’s post from this same day keeps re-playing in my head. it’s worth a read: no more dismissing your power.