“Jesus your love it comes with NO CONDITIONS, you gave us your whole heart… my hope is in the blood of Jesus, I know who I am because of who you are” – Whole heart, Passion
If you want to cry in public, download this song for the first time, listen to it and really believe the words. In a real “winter season” of my soul this feels like springtime! To be real honest, lately I have really struggled with shame, rejection, my identity. I have never felt more rejection than I have the past several weeks. It seems to lurk around every corner, in big and small ways. but it’s all the same, feeling like I’m not enough or what I’m offering isn’t enough for someone.
This rejection feeling has driven me both to my knees, and to the floor in tears. It truly feels like the enemy just has my number. It’s been a fight every day to believe the truth about WHO I AM in Christ. It has forced me to rely on Jesus alone. “Jesus, I trust you”. He has become my hiding place! I hear a song like this, and am reminded that my identity is in HIM ALONE. I am because of who HE is. He was despised and rejected, but He bore it all on the cross for ME. He has indeed gone before me, and is with me still.
“ I serve a king with good intentions, God you will never turn your back on me…the love of God has changed my destiny”
I’ve been trying to process through why this season has felt so much like WINTER, and last week a good friend spoke so much truth into me. “Wynne, maybe what you are going through isn’t for you but for others”. She was encouraging me to lead with vulnerability in the places I have been hurt and rejected. She reminded me that being rejected means one thing: I have put myself out there! I have been brave + vulnerable enough to be told NO. It was convicting to her. But here I was just seeing the fact that people that I love have “rejected” me or not wanted to be a part of what I am inviting them into.
I was texting with another friend the other day, whom I have extended an invitation to on many occasions to get together. She was apologizing for how terrible she felt that she had been sick or had work commitments and hadn’t been able to accept my invitations. and just like I do, in responding to her text I realized WHAT I WAS FEELING: I said, “I just desire deep community here so I keep putting myself out there”. WOW. that’s what it is. I desire deep community, friendship, real life people in my home and heart, and the REJECTION I’ve been feeling is tied to that. unknowingly believing the lie that winter was going to last forever.
but now, I am changing my tune. I am believing that it is WORTH IT to keep putting myself out there, keep risking getting told no, because after winter – SPRING ALWAYS COMES. It may feel like winter is never ending, but those words spoken over me at a women’s conference a few years ago have stuck with me. “after winter, spring ALWAYS comes”. We keep planting seeds, waiting for the harvest. The seed planting is not in vain.
Let that ring true in your heart today too my friend.