I am honored to introduce you to my friend Alaina today! We literally met on Instagram.  How many friends can you say that about?  I love her sweet heart and I love her blog!  Yall, she has an amazing story and she is so open about it on her space online.  Her & her husband have battled infertility issues + are now in the process to adopt!  She is beautiful inside & out and has been such a supporter of me since we met.  I asked her to share her story with you today, so here ya go friends – meet Alaina!

Anybody can change the world: I just never thought I could.

I never thought I would be doing the things that I am doing today. I never thought I’d have the dreams I have today. I never thought people would see me how they do today.

I’ve learned to trust God’s plans. I’ve learned to believe in the dreams He gives.  I’ve learned to wholly accept who He made me to be and how He uniquely fashioned me – from the inside out. I’ve learned to embrace all of that and proudly boast in the Lord for everything He is doing through me.

I am the definition of an anybody. I’m the picture of the most awkward, introverted, odd person in a group that God has pointed to and said, “You… Come, child..” I’m looking around thinking SURELY He hasn’t passed over the prettier, more creative, more diverse, and skilled woman on my right.. or left. But, sure enough, He called out again, “Yes… my beloved. You. Come….”

To think that a difficult life would be the one to glorify God and draw me near to Him was unthinkable to me. Certainly, why would You want to use someone who is so broken, so not put together, so odd, so not the one most would desire in a crowd to do anything. Why me?

Why me was a question I cried out to God most of my life. I always asked the question in the worst or most uncomfortable times. Confused as to why life, every move I tried to make, was so difficult. Why my life or circumstances couldn’t be easier. Why everyone around me seemed to go through life with issues, yes, but not with the battles I dealt with on a regular basis.

As I grow up in Christ, I realize that all the while God was trying to pull me towards Him. Trying to get me to see that when I was trying to fit in and be like “her”, that He totally created me with the goal of setting me apart.  Putting me in positions to be the odd one out, the one who was left out because He knew there were things ahead of me that I’d have to do alone. I’d have to grow to be confident enough in Him to not long to be a part of or like anyone else.

I would say I wish that I could have come to this realization sooner but I’m so grateful for the years of being uncomfortable, searching, and longing for something I knew I didn’t or couldn’t have. These days I don’t spend my time trying to fit into the culture or with people around me.  I’m enjoying  walking the road to become who God would have me to be. Realizing that the only true joy we all seek and search for comes from Christ. That all things truly work together for good for those who love the Lord. That God can cause beauty to come from ashes. How would I have ever learned these things if I never experienced difficulty or brokenness? Hardship or disappointment?

I’m just anybody. Almost nobody in the world but I am someone living my life as loud as I can for God, following His lead, and using the gifts He’s given me to be all that I can in Him.

All of my life, all I wanted to be is a wife and a mother. That’s it. I didn’t have big dreams of becoming a hot shot lawyer or a doctor who cures cancer or even a teacher. An amazing husband and a house full of kids, preferably a couple sets of multiples, were my goals.

In my mid twenties, a man was placed in my life for reasons I had no idea of. This man was not my dream husband at all. As time passed, I began to believe that God was going to do some serious work through us. And, it began by telling our story. We were not a story book romance. Our relationship was difficult and trying as we were two completely opposite people with tolerances on completely different ends of the spectrum, and personalities that created … lots of opportunities to develop patience and kindness, they taught long suffering, grace, and forgiveness.

And, we stayed together. We worked through our issues and learned Biblical truths from the Bible and were counseled by the wisdom of older married friends. We dated a year and a half before we were engaged and were counseled before and after we were engaged… and married.

We had an gorgeous ceremony in our home church on January 17, 2010. And, have given friends relationship advice since. Why people came to us – only God knows. We casually answered questions and listened to couples in regards to how to Biblically respond to their mates when we were asked. Initially, I believe we were repeating what we were taught and believed but not yet completely grasped. But, as we began to grasp concepts and live those truths out regularly, we were about to really show women how  they can respond respectfully to their men in emotional times and how men could be more loving in their responses and actions. These couples who came to us dealt with the same issues that we had. They’re the same issues we all have. Our difficulties, all the times I cried out “Why me?” taught me that God is with us always. That his plan is greater than we could ever imagine or think. That we never go through anything for naught.

We are have grown up… matured as individuals, matured in Christ. Grown together.  I don’t cry out “Why me?” and that man that came into my life for reasons I couldn’t fathom has completely guided me towards God and is making me into a much better person than I even thought I could be.

Married. Check. Time for kids.
I want kids. Many. I want my house filled with laughter and stories, random songs, and sticky floors from little snacking people who won’t sit at the table because they just “have to” do something much more fun.

… But, I have endometriosis. “Why me?” And, I began to blog about my journey through infertility because I realized that I couldn’t be the only person struggling with this issue.

I had surgery to figure out what was going on, why I wasn’t getting pregnant….. only to find that my endo was so bad that it formed a cast around my fallopian tubes which prevented them from being able to catch eggs. Along with other scar tissue covering other organs.  Nice, Jesus. Thanks. “Why me?”

We had fertility treatments. I pumped my body full of drugs and hormones to prepare my body and eggs but those treatments didn’t work. And, I lived for months in a dark place. Crying and sitting in darkness and silence. Unable to hold back the tears, disappointment, and feelings of being overlooked by a God who promises that He sees me. Everyone else was announcing their pregnancies… in droves. They had all the reasons in the world to celebrate. Here I am “alone”. “Why me?” “Why me?” “Why me?”

So many of my friends, who were married before, the same time, and now after me are enjoying their first and second pregnancies. Accidentally. Easily. Some had to wait a little but they are all there together. And, I am all alone. Again. Not fitting in. The odd one out. “Why me?”

It’s funny how God so carefully knits your story together. It’s sweet. I laugh now. Not at the pain but the irony. The little details I so quickly forgot. The prayers my friends prayed so quietly. Different friends praying the same prayer. It’s in the details. God is in the details.

When my husband and I first began fertility treatments, I was talking to one of the older, must wiser, and plenty beautiful wives who helped me through the harder times of  my relationship. She asked, “Why not adopt?” My answer then was…. “Ehhh… I want to have my own kids first.”

See, I saw how my friends’ babies looked like them, acted like them, and came out of the womb with their idiosyncrasies. You could SEE how these babies belonged to them. They belonged. They fit. I wanted that.

Fast forward through a year and a half or so of breaking from treatments; they were just too emotionally difficult for me and I literally couldn’t handle them at the time. We decided to start up again the following year. {{I’m still blogging by the way.}}

And, to me, “the following year” began in January.

Two months before “the year”,   out of the blue, I wanted to adopt. Out of the blue, I promise I did not want this.  It was not a part of my dream. It wasn’t my plan.

Throughout the past couple of years God has done a number on my heart, soul, and mind. I have learned to love Him with a fervor and seek Him with intention. I’ve learned to forgive as I’ve been forgiven, as God forgives me, because He forgives me. I’ve learned to love because He loves me. I’ve learned to be gracious because God has been so incredibly gracious to me. I became so much more aware of who He is and who I am to Him.  My mantra, the words that echoed in my mind when I was put in the position to forgive, grant grace and mercy, or love through action was …. “Do it because it was done for you. Period.”

I went to my husband to tell him about my desire to adopt, to get him on the bandwagon of another idea (I always have a ton of crazy ones) and beg his “okay” to adopt. I prayed and prayed knowing that this was a great thing, knowing that it wasn’t something either of us had planned to do at the moment.

Now, you have to understand that my husband is a very logical man. A thinker.  Not one swayed by emotion or one who allows an emotion to give way to a certain response. So, I had to prepare my opening and speech in a way that was void of emotion. I couldn’t cry.  I couldn’t be tooooo excited because I’d lose track of what I had to say. I had to be focused. So, I’m explaining to my husband, how I’d like for us to expand our family. Telling him all the “regular” stuff . Ya know.. about how babies need homes and someone to love them, etc. etc. Then God gave me the reason He wanted us to adopt. “… because I’ve done it for you.” PAUSE. STOP. TEARS.

I wanted to live my life doing unto others as Christ has done for me…. Never once had adoption come into my mind.

God adopts us into His family. A family He created us and through the blood of His son Jesus joins us together. A family that will soon look like Him. Sound like Him. We, His children, will have His characteristics and idiosyncrasies. We will act like Him. We belong. We fit. We are His. That is what I wanted.

We are a family of people that come from all different corners of the world, speaking different languages, from different countries. Sisters and brothers who all have the same distinguishing features of their Heavenly Father.

We are set apart. We do not fit in to this culture. We do not look like the people around us. We don’t talk the same as them. We don’t behave the same as the people of this world. We weren’t ever supposed to.

But, if we keep trusting God and living to serve and honor Him, He will place people around us who do look like us, act like us, talk like us, and walk like us. And, the beauty of being with these like minded and like hearted people is that we’re not striving to look like each other – we’re all  striving to look like our Father.

Praise God that it is through our difficulties and trials that we, like the children we are, run to the only comfort we truly know will satisfy. Sometimes, it takes  a bit of fumbling around trying different sources  all while God is pulling us closer to Him.

“Why me?” “Why me?” “Why me?” “Why me?” “Why me?”

Dear child, why not you?

Why can’t you be the one who confidently stands out living your life differently, doing good, and serving others so that your Father will be glorified?

Why can’t you be one who doesn’t try to fit the mold of this culture but begs our God to shape your dreams and desires to serve Him? Why can’t you trust Him with your brokenness believing that He will make something beautiful of what you lay at His feet?

I am a grateful infertile woman who alongside her husband is in the process of adopting a little one to raise in the likeness of his/her Heavenly Father. And, I just use the gifts and experiences God has so graciously given and allowed me to experience to tell of His goodness. His mercy. His plan. His awesomeness.

I blog. And, to my surprise people read it. People from all over the world read what I have to say. To a girl who just wanted to blend in and have a story that read so much sweeter than it actually did (or so I thought)… that’s a big deal.

I don’t know what He has for me to do in the future. I don’t know what He will do with my family. I do know that I will continue to seek Him and strive to be more like Him and follow His lead.

I am one member of a body full of folks who have stories to tell and gifts to share with a dying world.  A world full of hurt and shame.  A world full of people who are in need of anyone who is willing to stand out.

“Why me?”

Mary, Moses, Jonah, Paul, and even Jesus were all in the same place you and I are when we are called to serve God…. We tell our God all about our frailties, issues, and give Him a thousand reasons why we can’t. We run from Him, we ask Him to remove our thorns, we cry out in pain wondering why He has forsaken us. We forget that we have thorns and “shame” are meant to be great tools to draw us closer to Him and complete a great work for Him.

I’m thankful that I can honestly respond to Him calling me out of the crowd with, “Yes, Father? What would you have me to do? Your will be done.”

Because, I now know that I am not just a girl in the crowd. I’m a daughter of the King meant to do great things for His Kingdom. WHY NOT ME?

so and YOUR CHALLENGE…

And, today I ask, “Why not you?” God created has fashioned each of us perfectly and in a way that is to honor and glorify Him in a unique way.  I challenge you to pray over your gifts, pray about your goals and how God wants to use them to build His Kingdom. Then, be open to Him when He calls you out of that crowd. Be open to the new dreams and goals He lays on your heart. Open to trusting Him and blindly following Him to make an impact in your home, community, and this world. No dream is too big or extravagant with God as your planner.

Pray. Ask. Say, “Yes!” to God in every opportunity He gives you today.

Read more about my experiences with infertility and how my adoption journey is going at unashamedgrowth.com! I’d love to see you there! And, send your “YES!” stories to unashamedgrowth@gmail.com  to tell me how God is using you to do His work!