You reminded me, Lord.

amidst a sanctuary full of women in my dusty west Texas town, you told me.

you reminded me and now, Lord, now I know, that you really do see me.  You love me, and you know me.

You spoke to me, through an obedient friend + sister tonight, and you reminded me that you are doing work in me during my waiting.

waiting seems to be something I should be really good at from the past 5 years of infertility + adoption, but it’s been easy recently to just sorta push it to the side.  I haven’t been waiting well.  instead, I’ve just reminded myself [and others] pretty consistently that “we are taking a break” from fertility stuff.  meaning, I don’t want to think about it, talk about it, pay for it, or pray about it.

it’s amazing how the stages of grief come in waves, and once again, I felt this surge of anger and deep deep sadness that God still hasn’t answered my prayer to heal me of my sickness, and give me a biological baby.  Why, Lord?  Why me?  Why haven’t you answered me?  Why have you forgotten about me?

there have been years of people praying over me, God speaking to me through others and His Word, prophesy, and encouragement that one day God will heal and restore and put life inside of me.  I feel like He has asked me to believe that He is ABLE to do those things.  and in the process he’s also asked me to trust and believe in him EVEN IF HE DOESN’T heal or give life.  There have been so many journeys he’s taken me down the past 5 years, I’ve learned about His character and love for me in ways I might not have without this struggle.  I’ve also felt alone, and hurt, and sad, and forgotten.  and tonight – I want to encourage myself and all of you who have also felt that way – that no matter how we feel, God has NOT forgotten us!!!

did you hear that?  God has NOT forgotten you.

He has a perfect plan and purpose for your life!  He knit you together in your mothers womb and He loves you.  he delights over you, the bible says.

I know, in the middle of the storm, it’s so hard to remember that.  I literally have notes saved in my phone when friends have spoken those words to me from the Lord.

January 19, 2014 “tonight Brandi and Krista prayed over me,  they reminded me to not give up, to ask for healing, they reminded me of the power of prayer.  the next morning Brandi told me God has set me apart and he has NOT overlooked me”

August 17th  will be another one – the night Jami spoke from the stage during worship a word that landed on my heart – I can believe again, He sees me and loves me.  Keep the faith.

I want to be the one to tell YOU today, sweet sister, that God has NOT forgotten you.  I want you to believe with fresh eyes and fresh faith today that He loves you, He’s called you his, and He has a wonderful plan.  hold on.  it’s so hard to believe a lot of days that He hasn’t forgotten you, but believe it today.

here’s to believing again!