Getting away with your spouse is VITAL to the long term health of your marriage, and I’m going to tell you why!

If you’ve never sat down with your spouse to set goals for your family, I highly recommend it. We did this for the first time in 2018, and one of our big goals was to get away overnight together once a quarter. Yes, you heard that right. Over 24 hours away from home, kids, chores, work, social media, and the constant pull of distraction to intentionally connect. We even set the dates for each quarter during our yearly planning meeting. I’m proud to say we’ve done the first three quarters successfully!

Is getting away easy? No.

Are there challenges, road blocks, a million details to work out? YES.

But is it worth it? 1000000000000000%

A friend asked me what prompted these quarterly “retreats” and what my biggest take away was. So I’ll start there, and then I’ll answer some questions yall asked me on Instagram.

The biggest reason we get away is to stay connected and to grow our marriage. We know it’s soooooo easy to get lost in kids, work, commitments, church, sports, friendships, and then before you know it your spouse is more like your roommate. Not good. Our marriage should be our priority OVER pretty much everything but our relationship with God, so we have to nurture it and grow it. Connection is key!

The biggest takeaway is remembering how much FUN we have together. We put down our phones, unplug from social media, and we are just present. So while there is for sure good and deep convo, there’s usually also yummy drinks, long walks, shopping, exploring new places, or visiting some favorites. We really typically don’t have much of a plan, so it’s super unrushed.

Room service breakfast has become a staple. Then, dinner is usually reserved for asking good questions that promote growth and encourage vulnerability.

There’s an opportunity for these questions to come up: “What do you think I could be doing better as a husband + father?” After I thoughtfully responded, I flipped it around and asked him the same about me. We talk about our dreams, goals, and evaluate where we are with where we want to be. We talk about legacy and vision for our family, and we vividly imagine the future. That might not sound fun to you, but it has become such a sweet spot of connection and a deeper understanding of each other. Plus getting away helps us get out of our comfort zones and is truly where the growth happens. Take a risk, friends! It’s worth it.

Now let’s answer some questions from the gram:

1. Who watches your kids? This was the most popular question. we don’t live near any family, so over the years, we have built some sweet relationships with college-aged girls who keep the kids. While our moms help out a lot, it’s almost easier for us (at this point) to pay someone to help us. We have done most of our overnights during the week, so the kids need to be here for school, and keeping them in their routine is better for all of us. Finding someone you trust to keep your kids could be a whole other post, but just know it IS POSSIBLE. And if this is something you need or desire, I encourage you to pray! And ask around. Over the past 4.5 years, we’ve had three amazing young gals who have filled this role – the ones that were married even looped their husbands into staying the night too. I also usually have a friend drop off + pick up from school, and I leave money for pizza or chick fila. I try to make it as easy as possible.
2. Do you plan these far in advance? YES! We put all four dates on our calendar when we did our 2019 planning in December of 2018. We’ve had to shift around a day or so, but it’s been so helpful to have the dates on our calendar so we actually make it happen. That’s the first step!
3. Share some budget friendly options – Ok so, getting away doesn’t have to be big! You tooooootally don’t have to stay at a nice hotel, or even go out of town. You don’t even have to stay overnight if that is too much for you to begin with. What if you drove out of town for a day trip to do an activity you both loved?! Hiking, swimming, shopping, cooking class, I don’t know – whatever your jam is! Do you have a free place to stay? Maybe a family or a family friend’s vacation house for example. Could you drop your kids at your parens and legit just do this AT HOME? My dad always says “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I believe in you!
4. How do you do this with a baby? This is all about seasons, y’all. Obviously, if you have a nursing baby or a little one that you can’t get away yet – maybe this isn’t your season for this TYPE of retreat or for getting away. But also maybe you could take the baby with you? You just have to figure out what works for you in your specific season!
5. Do we have a list of questions? No, we don’t have a formal list of questions, but if this would be helpful for y’all we can totally work on writing something up! I love a good question prompt. Stephen is really the master at this on these getaways. It is really sweet that he can lead out and love me in this way.

So there ya have it, friends! This is our version of why getting away with your spouse is SO important. I can’t wait to hear YOUR stories next! I promise promise promise you will walk away from your time (however long it is) refreshed, reconnected and ready to take on the world (or just your house haha) together.

Who’s ready to put something on the books?!?!