loss [miscarriage]

this is “part 2” from last week’s there is always hope post on infertility.

grief. [active processing of pain and hurt in my life] storm it hasn’t been something I’ve dealt with much. Mostly I guess because I haven’t “lost” much.  and partly because I’ve come to learn that I apparently try to avoid pain.  So grief is not something I think about often.  but I’m learning about it now…. after we had ” the best news” we had the worst news. my nurse from my fertility doctor called to tell me I wasn’t pregnant anymore.  my levels had gone down, and I needed to keep going to get blood work the next few days to confirm then went all the way down. I was on the other line with my best friend Brynn when the nurse called and honestly after I got off the phone I just started bawling.  The kids were napping, and I called Stephen and he raced home to hold me and cry with me.  Besides going to get blood work done several more times that week, the rest of the week was a blur.  Like I don’t remember at all what happened after that.  Sorta like I don’t remember the first few days home with the kids…strage… we lost it. our miracle baby was gone. it wasn’t looking amazing to begin with, but I had hope.  I didn’t know what those numbers meant.  I saw a pregnancy line, and a positive blood work test and immediately my heart soared.  I was elated.  God had blessed us with a baby!  My dreams were coming true! then they crashed down. what I lack in remembrance from that hard season, I make up for in remember the conversations I had with other women who had experienced the same thing in the weeks and months to come. pretty much every woman that I shared this with, that had also experienced the pain of loss, looked me in the eyes and said “I am so sorry for your loss”.  most of the time they had tears in their eyes too.  I loved that.  they saw me!  they knew!  they and been there and they were ok now. God often uses other people to speak to me – and He did just that through my good friend Casey at Hope Spoken in March. She sat on stage and shared with us, that through her own loss and grief she learned that “you can’t judge someone else’s grief”  For some reason, God used that to set me free.  Free from feeling like because I wasn’t pregnant for that long, that I didn’t really know anything about loss.  Freedom from worrying about what other people think of me + how I greive.  Freedom from having to carry it alone. (61 of 82)(68 of 82) Our last small group session at Hope Spoken {in which I was technically leading} I about lost it, emotionally.  I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that run down, broken, alone.  The group dynamic changed, and it turned to them consoling and counseling me.  Something had been broken in me, and I needed to explore what that meant.  I learned that day, and the days and weeks to come, that grief is healthy.  Being upset, sad, and mourning the loss of what could have been is healthy.  God is the one who can handle my frustration and disappointment.  I can in fact turn to him, 1 Peter 5:7 says “cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”  God welcomes us when we turn to him and bring him our pain. One of our pastors in a sermon called SCARS this past spring said, “it’s not a lack of faith to acknowledge the pain”.  and that set me free too!  Brokenness hurts, it’s painful, and we have to acknowledge it.  The other word that hits home to me is disappointment – “when we hope for something and it doesn’t happen”.  I think that’s the biggest loss here for me.  I had hoped to see a positive on a pregnancy stick for almost 5 years.  When that positive showed up, my whole world changed, and I had hope again, and when we got the call, you can imagine the disappointment that set in. So while we must “go there” with the pain, disappointment and protest to God….we can’t STAY there.  At some point, we have to come to accept it.  We have to relinquish what cannot be explained, and accept what we cannot change.  So what then?  We must fight, everyday, to remember who God is!  We have to look through the lens of Gods heart and character for us. some of my favorite scriptures that I can’t get enough of in this season….. Psalm 107, Isaiah 55:6-9, Hebrews 12:1-13, Romans 4:16-25, Isaiah 61:1-3, Psalm 46:4-7,  , 1 Peter 1:3-9 God is sovereign, and He is in control.  He can use anything – and He can even use and redeem my grief, loss, and pain to come alongside someone else who is suffering so I can “pass along” the grace and comfort I’ve been given. (2 Corinthians 1:3-6) That’s why I’m sharing this with you.  I hope you know you aren’t alone, and I hope you know wherever you are in the grieving process, God is right there with you.  He fiercely loves you and you HAVE to hang onto the truth of that, even when it doesn’t make sense.  God is for you, sweet sister, and He will not leave you or forsake you.  (Deuteronomy 31:6) If you need someone to talk to, comment on this post and I’d love to visit – and it’s my hope that others who are hurting will be commenting and we can just all be in this together, encouraging and supporting each other.  Hang in there, sister! photo-3

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3

photo-2

may our hope continue to be in CHRIST ALONE.  

Hey, I'm Wynne!

Hi, friend! First, I truly am so giddy that you are here. I want you to know I 100% believe in you and all the ways you are growing towards living a more intentional life. I can’t wait to get to know you and your story, and I genuinely hope you are encouraged from our time together here.

A little about me, I’m a type 7 on the enneagram, a total extrovert + people lover, entrepreneur, connector, storyteller, people gatherer, and passionate wife, mama + friend. I feel most alive when I’m exploring new places and surrounded by people I love. Give me a day in the outdoors disconnected from wifi, and I am a happy girl. I run on oat milk lattes, Jesus, gratitude journaling and kitchen dance parties with my three kids.
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  1. Caroline Harries says:

    Yes!! Grief is healthy!!! It’s part of the process after loss. So important that we recognize that! So thankful we can have hope IN Christ!!! http://www.in-due-time.com

  2. I love you. That is all.

  3. Lauren Venable says:

    Thank you so much for posting this today. I know the hurt, grief and brokenness you speak of as we lost our miracle twins in November. (http://lovemilkandhoney.com/when-all-seems-lost-miscarriage/ ) Grief is a crazy little beast but I’m so glad hope always wins. I’ve loved following your journey through adoption and admire your honesty. I knew Stephen from my younger years when my family lived in San Angelo, so even though we haven’t spoken in some time, something about knowing someone else who is going through the same struggles you are soothes the pain from time to time. Thank you for being transparent and offering the re-assurance that it’s okay to be not okay sometimes. I’m holding onto the promise that beauty comes from brokenness and that the Lord is faithful!

  4. Sarah Beth says:

    Oh, Wynne…. So much love and oh, how I know… So grateful for what God is teaching you and for the courage He’s instilled so that you share your story. More women need to hear it’s okay to grieve! And that we are free from judging another’s grief because Christ is tender to love and redeem. Thank you for these words!

  5. Carrie Tanner says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I went through this in 2012 when we lost our baby (my second pregnancy) we had already told our daughter who had been praying everyday for over a year for a brother or sister. We lost the baby two days before her 5th birthday. It was devastating. The worst thing I have ever had to do in my life I think was tell her the baby died. Just typing these words now brings tears to my eyes. I was only about 8 weeks along and often times I didn’t think I should be allowed to grieve as I too wasn’t very far along and so many people loose babies when they are a lot farther in the process and I felt like (well they surely deserve to grieve). Don’t get me wrong I cried for days and still do from time to time. I still say well ‘their” grief is more worthy than mine (which I know is not right) but my heart aches for them. Those who carried, feeling the baby move, seeing it on the ultra sound, planning all the details of the nursery, names, etc. and then to lose the baby, I can’t imagine their pain. A very good friend of mine told me the day after I lost the baby something that has really helped me. She told me that when a baby dies it goes to heaven and the angels take care of it for you until you arrive. She told me that if the baby was not given a name the angels will name it for you until you arrive. Since I don’t know if our baby was a boy or a girl we never gave the baby a name. It is something I dream of now and then and something I look forward to when I go to heaven. What will he or she look like, what beautiful name will the angels have picked for our sweet baby. We now have our third baby, our daughter got her prayer answered and we have a beautiful 20 month old baby girl who we adore. I am so sorry for your loss Wynne and for any others who read your post. I pray that God would give you peace and comfort!

  6. Elizabeth says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine getting such good news followed by such devastating news. 🙁 I need people too!

  7. Meredith Griffin says:

    thank you for sharing your story. so important to speak out about pregnancy loss- women need to be supported and get connected.

  8. Laura Gibson says:

    Girl! I swear you are speaking the words of my heart. I think it’s so healthy what you are doing, and wish I had the courage to do the same thing! I’ve been through a few miscarriages and found comfort in talking to others who were in the group “no one wants to be apart of”. I think it would benefit me to get on board the sharing train again. And remember that grief is healthy! I tend to try to be strong and blow it off, but i don’t know if that helps in the healing! I love these words and your heart.

  9. Catherine says:

    so very sorry for your loss. i am a momma who knows loss as well. it is sweet to look back at those moments where God alone held you and encouraged you through His Word.

  10. Tiffany says:

    I thank you again for your vulnerability as you share your story. We need more brave truth tellers like you.

  11. Angela Doran says:

    Ahhh, I’ve been waiting for this! thank you so much for posting the second half. I too, for both miscarriages, lost my baby at 6 and 7 weeks and felt like maybe I was not allowed to feel pain or grief because I wasn’t as far along. But it hurt so bad. This second time, I decided to put myself out there and share on my instagram feed. the outpouring of love and support was like a warm hug. It’s so nice (and a bit sad at the same time) to know that you are not alone. xoxo

  12. Terri says:

    Thank you, friend, for such sweet encouragement! You are right on. You know, something God has shown through this season is that if I were to get pregnant when I wanted to and had a full term pregnancy, I would not be where I am now with my relationship with Christ! I have grown so much through all of this!!! I love the Mercy Me song “bring the Rain”…..
    “Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there’ll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that’s what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain”
    It doesn’t seem like it at the time, but It’s so worth going through the pain just bring him Glory and be closer to Him.
    Someday, sweet friend, we will get to hold our sweet babies and oh what a joyous time that will be. But until then, let unite together uplifting one another and spurring each other on to trust HIS perfect plan for us!

  13. Nicki says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart. We lost our sweet baby 4 years ago at 11 weeks and I dealt with many of the same things of which you spoke. I even had someone very close to me say to me the morning after we found out that the baby’s heart had stopped, “Were you up ALL night crying?” Like she couldn’t believe that I would still be crying over our loss. But for the most part, people understood and loved us through it. I still think about the baby and rejoice at the thought of meeting him/her one day in heaven. My oldest who was almost 4 at the time, talks about the baby and is also excited about meeting him one day (he’s really hoping it’s a brother since he is stuck with a pesky three year old sister here on earth

  14. Catherine 'Cack' Causey says:

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday. And it was beyond timely.

    See, earlier that day I got to sit at the doctor’s office and to steal your line “have the best news turn into the worst news.” In that very moment I experienced pure joy, turn into such pure sorrow.

    But thank you for reminding me of Isaiah 43:1-3. I can’t tell you how many times I read it yesterday and today. And how it’ll be such a comfort as I return back to the doctor tomorrow.

    Thank you, Jesus – that one day this broken world will be made fully whole. And that the things you intended to be good that have been so corrupted will be fully redeemed.

  15. Melanie Morriss Tkach says:

    “You can’t judge someone else’s grief.” What a powerful quote and something I needed to hear today. My grief is different but still so real. And even in a different context I have convinced myself that grieving is not appropriate because of other people and their perceptions. Thank you for being vulnerable and for speaking truth.

  16. rachaelb says:

    This post touched me. Thank you. I suffered a miscarriage about a year ago, and I am so sorry for your loss as well. To the outside looking in, it may not seem like we “lost” anything (after all, we never held the baby in our arms), but I think that sometimes grief comes from losing things we hope for, even if our hopes were never fully realized. Miscarriage is a loss. But you are right, we have a Living Hope. His compassions are new every morning. May God give you blessings far beyond what you can even hope for or imagine.

  17. Melissa Blair says:

    I’ve been catching up on you today…been missing you. And, as always, swept up by your honesty and beauty and absolute open-handedness even while admitting it’s hard. Thank you for letting me be part of this journey…I can’t wait for God to put the rest of this story together. I love your sweet whole family.

  18. Melissa says:

    Oh, how I know this exact pain well. After trying for years, and our second IVF transfer, we got pregnant and got to 9 weeks before we lost our baby. The grief and this journey has brought us to our knees, closer to God and closer to each other. In some ways things get easier and in others it gets harder. What a strange process this is! We pray that he will use all of it for his glory.

  19. Sara says:

    Wynne, thank you so so much for these sweet words. Back when I read this, after you originally wrote it, I had no idea how sweet these words would be to my heart. I suffered a miscarriage in September, but I am still grieving. This week has been hard, but I know God reminded me of this post, so I had to come find it. My heart hurts for our lost baby, and my heart aches that our adoption is at a stand still. Oh but the sweet hope of Jesus is just so life giving. I’m thankful for precious people like you that He uses to speak truth for those of us who are yearning for community. Thank you.

  20. hope spoken says:

    […] serves as a marker for all the Lord has done over the year.  2014 at Hope Spoken started the process of grieving the  loss I suffered via miscarraige a few months before.  When Casey shared, “you can’t judge someone else’s […]

  21. Monika Baker says:

    This so ministered to my heart…

    …in July, we lost our little 6 week miracle. I felt like God had spoken so many prophetic promises to me concerning this new little life—long before I had ever taken a pregnancy test.

    It’s been a rough couple of months, but I know that He is for me. That He isn’t finished yet, and if He said, it will surely come to pass—in His perfect timing. I’m not giving up. But man, this grief is sneaky. And some days are harder than others.

    I found you on Instagram, and I love your heart and journey. Thank you, for simply being you, and sharing your faith journey one step at a time!

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