Gloriously Ruined

Jun 01 2014

you are brave too.

3 comments

“If you could risk to tell your story, maybe God could use that, maybe people will know that they aren’t alone”

I listened to those words through my computer last month as I was catching up on a sermon series I’d been out of town + missed at church called SCARS. Jay Mayo, our counseling pastor [whom I've been to counseling with before] spoke those words. They had been ringing in my spirit for over a month, and also the word the next week from our senior pastor Patrick,

“God can use and redeem my scar for the benefit of someone else. In all of this, we might know Him and pass along the comfort of Christ. Pass along grace and what the Lord is going in your life ****[EVEN if you feel not ready]****”

That’s where you find me friends. Feeling not ready. But also a tug from the spirit that my scars COULD be used for the benefit of others. I could pass along the comfort I’ve found from our sweet Lord these past few years. I don’t have it together, I don’t have all the answers and heck my scar is still FRESH. I’m STILL battling infertility and endometriosis and praying for healing every day. I’m by no means “on the other side” of this thing yet. But I’ve felt our sweet Lord tell me to share the struggle IN the middle of the struggle. This is raw and real y’all. This is not just me writing for the sake of writing, but this is being obedient to risk and share my story praying all the while that someone out there will know that they aren’t alone.

You can imagine how I felt Friday, when I posted this post: Missing Out. I don’t know how many visits are “normal” for some of my big time blogger friends, but y’all over 3,000 people visited my blog Friday. over 60% of those were NEW visits. I don’t normally keep track super well of blog stats, but that was an all time record. The post that I was petrified to share, to open up my heart and the thoughts and feelings that were inside. But I did, and you responded. I’m sitting at a coffee shop Sunday morning as I write this still pouring over all the stories, comments, emails, messages I’ve received from you. Not just comforting me in my scar, but sharing yours with me.

All I can say, is that when I went to bed on Friday night I felt this new wave of responsibility. It’s such an honor to hear your stories, to get the chance to walk this out with you, and to be in the trenches with some of you still. It stirs my heart and shows me that this is something women NEED. To get to share how we feel -and I believe that in that sharing, and admitting, and grieving we find HEALING.

So keep sharing friends. I did not decide to “be brave” so I could be brave alone. One of my favorite Camp + Asher stories to tell currently is a few weeks ago Camp did something that warranted a “you are so brave, buddy!” comment and Asher almost immediately said “I brave too? I brave too?”

So sister, HEAR me when I say this….YOU ARE BRAVE TOO! The world needs to hear your story. There are things you have been through that other women are going through right now. Think of the ways God could redeem YOUR SCAR when you pass along the grace you’ve been given. If you do share, please come back here and leave me the link. I’d love to read it! ps- if you commented on the last post, I have responded. I’d love to continue this conversation, so feel free to email me or reply to my comments!

2 Corinthians 1:3-7, the Message

“All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you’re just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you’re going to make it, no doubt about it.”

no comments

Alex Boothby - http://livingwithpassion90.blogspot.com/2014/06/why-there-needs-to-be-cure-and-why-i.html
Beautiful Wynne – here is my brave postReplyCancel
Melissa Blair - I love so much about this…if I had to choose a life verse (I just couldn’t do it) but I have always stood by 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (loosely translated :)): Blessed be God who comforts us so that we may be able to comfort others with the comfort we have received from Him….I love this because it is such a redemptive circle. Someone always needs to hear what and how God did for us and we always need to hear from others, too. You do this beautifully with the sacrifice of your words…and the loveliest part is the faith that you have that He will return this more beautiful than before. He sure will, sweet friend. You are brave. (I brave, too? ) I love you.ReplyCancel
Amanda Knoll Van Tuyle - Catching up on your blog girl and loving your bravery!!! What a story God is writing!! I am praying for some courage to publish some posts myself ReplyCancel

May 30 2014

missing out

42 comments

“what do you think you’d be missing out on if you didn’t have a biological kid?”

that is the question my friend Sarah asked me late one night this week outside of Starbucks that has been reeling in my mind. I’ve made it very clear to my people, that my desire through all this infertility treatments has been to be pregnant. My desire isn’t necessarily to have a biological child, shocking enough. I know that I can love a child that doesn’t have my blood running through their veins or doesn’t look like me, and so I’m not worried about that. I know in my heart that family is more than blood.

I’ve come to realize what I desire [and what I would feel like I was "missing out" on] is the experience of being pregnant

finding out that you are pregnant and telling your husband. then getting to share that joyful news with your family and friends in a fun and creative way. then the first heart beat and sonogram pictures. the tiny baby bump that appears, and wearing empire waste dresses that show your belly. maxi skirts and high belts, and pregnant in a two piece {i know that’s a weird one}. Then the gender reveal, and wondering how we would do it, if we would find out in the doctors office or wait until we were surrounded by our people that night to find out. What kind of party would we have and who would come? Then the baby shower, and everyone asking you how you are feeling and if you’ve felt the baby kick yet. The maternity pictures holding a cute pair of baby shoes, and announcing it on the blog and to the world who’s been following our journey. God would get so much glory from this right? Then, the labor and the group text that I would have already put the names together for Stephen to send out when “it’s time”. Our families driving in from outta town to be there for the birth, and then those first moments together celebrating the gift of life! Friends and family coming up to the hospital with balloons and flowers and warm hugs. battle wounds on my body. learning to breastfeed. labor stories. then those first few weeks at home with a newborn. family and friends getting to come over immediately and hold and snuggle and love on my sweet baby [and not have to wait a few months to touch him/her]. Being able to take that baby carrier around with me every where I go and everyone coo and love on my precious little one.

that my friends is what I would be missing out on. nothing else.

after those first few newborn weeks, everything else is my norm. Raising babies, giving bottles, baths, fixing dinner, reading books, playing on the porch…that is my normal. I am a mom!

after typing that all out, it sounds really selfish to me now. it seems like it is all about me. wow. It’s not all about those things [then there's the component about my health], but I make it about that. I make it about me and what I want and if I’m really honest with myself – I want all of those things partly because that’s what my friends have. That’s what our culture says is the “norm”. Those are the things I’ve done time and time again for my good girlfriends when they are pregnant and have babies. That’s what we talk about when we are all just girls together. I can hardly think of one time where a group of 3+ girls were together that labor stories, pregnancy or breastfeeding didn’t come up. and when it comes up, you know how I feel? left out.

I don’t have those stories. but you know what God also revealed to me this week? My stories as an adoptive mom are awesome too!

finding out we had a referral and skyping my sisters at 10 pm to tell them the news, printing out his picture and taking it to friends houses one at a time to share the news in different ways, a fun couples baby shower with margaritas!, then the let down of losing a referral…and then the sharing of our TWO referrals at the baby shower to surprise everyone, flying to ethiopia with 36 hours notice and having a flood of my close friends storm in my house and do everything to get me ready, alison meeting us in Ethiopia to take the pictures of us meeting them for the first time, and then a crowd of friends waiting for us at the airport when we returned with two babies in our arms. meals on the porch for weeks as we were “cocooning” with our two alone. then open arms when it was time for everyone to be able to touch and hold my babes.

then… life as usual. raising babies, feeding bottles, reading books, making dinner….

it’s so funny how the stories parallel. but how they are so different. I think maybe I don’t like being the “different one” but what’s really funny is I really do LOVE it. I have never wanted to be like everyone else. I drove a jacked up trunk in high school for pete’s sake! I think I just want to feel known.

known in a way that the majority understands. known in a way that helps me relate to the majority of women around me. but ya know what? I’ve been able to be known and understood by women that I never would have gotten to know if it weren’t for adoption + infertility. I’ve been able to connect with women in a whole new way because of our crazy roads to parenthood, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything! I know that God has us right where He wants us. I know he will use this testimony. Just like I heard my friend Leslie say, “everything broken and lost in my life has been replaced with a TESTIMONY!”

I have probably 2 hands of good friends that I’ve gotten to know the past few years that have all adopted kiddos. Most have struggled with infertility, and while some are still actively pursing biological kids, some aren’t. I keep telling God “thank you” that if that’s my story one day, I have other girls that “get it”. Other women to help me feel known. But ya know what I realized this week? I am also in that “category”! That IS my story right now! I don’t have biological kids, and truth be told I might not ever have them. I want to take ownership of this part of my story. Not that I’m better than because both my kiddos are adopted, but because that’s the story God has written for our lives so far.

so maybe, through all of this I should see that while I have missed out on some pretty “normal” things that moms experience, I have had some pretty amazing things happen that most moms don’t ever get to expierece. and for that I’m grateful. Only God knows if I’ll ever carry a baby or not, but I do know one thing: regardless of how I got here, or how I’ll get there again, I am a momma!

and with THESE TWO?? I am not missing out at all. I am the MOST blessed mama with these two amazing blessings that I can’t believe I get to call mine!

30 comments

Sarah Goldstein Roney - Amen amen and amen. This is one of the most encouraging posts I HAVE EVER READ on fertility and adoption. I too have fantasized about all the things you wrote about. How would we announce we were pregnant (I have 50 million ideas), how would we reveal the gender (I have 60 million ideas). But you know what?! We HAVE STORIES THAT BIOLOGICAL MAMA’S WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE EITHER. And through the stories we share, and the stories we don’t share, we can all rejoice in one thing. The gift and privilege of being a mama. Amen Wynne. Thank you so much for your honesty and insight that so reflects my own journey right now.ReplyCancel
Molly Swanson - Wynne, I love your heart and your story. Thank you for sharing your brave story! What an inspiration you are to me! ReplyCancel
- Wynne - thanks molly!!!!! you are living brave too my friend!ReplyCancel
Tori Peele - Wynne, I have been reading your blog for about a year now and I am so thankful for your honesty and your willingness to discuss hard things. This post is beautiful and I am sure that it is one I will come back to again and again. Thank you for posting this and being a voice of truth and transparency! ReplyCancel
Amy Armstrong - Beautifully written.ReplyCancel
Megan Gilliam - Love this and you so much! You have an amazing story God IS using in amazing ways. Beautifully honest post friend, love you! ❤️ReplyCancel
Russell Trippet - AMENReplyCancel
Debbe Trippet - That was just beautiful Wynne!
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natalie - oh wynne, i love this!!
i feel selfish becuase i have been pregnant before–my biological daughter is 5; i had a very hard pregnancy with her after infertility–and now i want to be pregnant again. just ’cause i love the kicks and the connection. i love my son’s story (domestic open adoption, there for the birth & cutting the cord) and don’t get me wrong, i’m excited (thrilled!) to be starting the process again in the fall for cooper baby #3…but i would give anything to feel a baby kick inside of me again. oh, that feeling!
(so i totally know what you’re going through.) ReplyCancel
- Wynne - natalie, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. god has opened my eyes so much to women in different circumstances with me that are hurting and longing. it’s real and I know it! praying for you in this season and yay for cooper baby #3!ReplyCancel
Elizabeth - This.is.exactly what I needed to read this morning. Even though we have an amazing story with how we brought our sweet son home (through adoption) I still have a hard time feeling left out. And we have been trying another 1.5 year with various drs and specialists for #2 without any luck and again I feel left out and discouraged while others continue to get pregnant for their 2nd or 3rd time since we started trying. It does feel hard sometimes when the family sits around and talks about which grandkids look like which family members, etc. and I don’t want our son to feel left out of those conversations.

And you know what? I don’t really have friends that know what it’s like and that is HARD. I want to know more women that have ONLY adopted. (I can think of one or two). I long to feel like nothing is missing. I still feel like something is missing. Maybe that something is a pregnancy. Maybe that’s feeling normal. Maybe that’s experiencing a miracle that almost all of my friends who dealt with infertility have experienced. I don’t know. But, I’m so, so glad to not feel alone when I read this blog. I feel so much the same way that you do. There is so much joy in our journey, but it’s ok to feel sad sometimes that things aren’t easy or normal for us. While still thanking God for the amazing blessings we DO have!ReplyCancel
- Wynne - elizabeth – thank you for sharing your story with me, and i’m so glad we could connect! i’d love to connect you to other women who have only adopted kiddos. most of mine i met at the created for care retreats outside of Atlanta, ga. the registration starts august 15 for next feb/march so maybe you should check that out! it’s a great weekend retreat for adoptive mamas! you are so right though, it’s OK to feel sad! i’m learning so much about grief, and taking it ALL to god. he can handle it! he’s for us, and for you and he LOVES you. he’s there with you throughout this whole thing! praying for you and let’s connect!ReplyCancel
Lauren - Great post. Let me say, you are not missing out at all. The reality is all of that “stuff” we think about pregnancy is often not even reality for many pregnancies. My pregnancies were so overshadowed by high risk, multiple miscarriages, etc. that the joys were merely seeing the healthy baby. The appointments were nerve-wreaking, the showers- emotional. We each have our story of how our families came to be. The beauty is in how God brought us to be and how our story can help others wading through the waters of creating a family.
Congrats!ReplyCancel
- Tori - Very much agree. My kids were in the NICU for a few weeks and that was where I celebrated my first Mother’s Day. After struggling with infertility I think the overwhelming happiness that you expect during pregnancy is often overshadowed by that constant doubt that doesn’t just magically disappear when you become pregnant. Good luck Wynne!!ReplyCancel
  - Wynne - tori – thanks for sharing your story! god for sure opened my eyes through this to see women who have babies but also experience this idea of missing out. i hadn’t even thought about it that way before, and i’m so glad my eyes are opened.ReplyCancel
- Wynne - lauren, thanks for your comment. it’s so hard to have all these great expectations of what we think pregnancy will be like, or based on what we’ve seen our friends get to experience but you are right – i’m not in their head or heart during the pregnancies to know all the fears. and if i do carry a baby, who knows what risks or fears would come with that. but it’s still something i desire so glad we can each share our stories and connect. thanks for sharing yours!ReplyCancel
Noelle Brown - beautiful! thank you so much for sharing – it can be so hard putting ourselves “out there” but once we overcome our fears – we realize that we are NOT alone in our struggles :). i can totally relate – although i’ve never struggled with infertility, both of my babies were “surprises” – we found out our senior year in high school that we were pregnant with our daughter and then became pregnant with our son less than 2 years later. it was not how i imagined my life to turn out – 2 kids by 20! i too have struggled with always being in a different place in life then all of my friends. i have always wished that finding out that i was pregnant could be exciting and would be something that i would get to share with my family and friends. all of the fun monthly pictures and being able to experience being pregnant without strangers giving me disapproving looks. but you know what…..god is amazing and his plan for my life is SO much better than my own! my husband and i have now been married for over 16 years. we look back and are so thankful that we had our babies early for so many reasons. both of our dads have since passed away and if we didn’t have our kids when we were young – our kids would have never had such precious memories with our dads. we are currently foster parents to two kiddos and hope to continue to open up our home. our bio kids are 16 & 14 and are just awesome with the kids we’ve had in our home. foster care has been beautiful in so many ways – but it’s also been such a difficult struggle when the kids we have loved leave our home. i do honestly still struggle with wanting to be pregnant along with the rest of my friends – and having a baby that I know will stay with us – it’s something that I need to continually give up to the Lord. we often don’t understand why things aren’t going the way we had hoped, but looking back i am reminded of His grace and care for us over the years. thanks again for sharing ReplyCancel
Megan Perkins - Speak it. Couldn’t have said it any better myself having gone through the same exact thing. Thank you!
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Sam Bennett - nice self reflection- so important. and sharing/transparency is even better. thanks!
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Karen Buschman Barnes - This is really beautiful. Thank you for sharing from your heart. As someone who is staring down both of these paths and not knowing what God’s plan for us will be at this point, this is really encouraging. God has a beautiful and unique story carved out for each one of us. Though it’s incredibly hard to not compare ourselves to others. Thank you for that reminder, and for being brave with your story.ReplyCancel
Dana Wilkes - Wow. I needed this. Love your story.ReplyCancel
- Wynne - thank you dana so much!ReplyCancel
Amber - Wynne, I have been following your sweet little blog now for a while. I just want to thank you for being so encouraging. My husband and I have dealt with infertility now going on three years. We have been through 2 miscarriages and have had to wade through the valley that is infertility to get back to the mountaintop. I wrote an article on my blog (strengthandgrace129.wordpress.com) called “The F Word: Fertility” about one of my miscarriages and how Jesus has “gloriously ruined” me through this whole experience. We have come to a place of peace with our journey, and even though we are still currently “trying”, we have made the exciting decision to adopt from Uganda. I have always had a heart for the people of Africa, and my love has grown even more knowing that we have a son over there somewhere. I just want to let you know that you are prayed for and loved by people you do not even know and you are such an example of godly strength and beauty to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.ReplyCancel
- Wynne - amber! girl, i am a mess at starbucks reading your post. so beautiful – i would encourage anyone to read that! thank you for opening up and sharing your heart and your story with us. so many of the scriptures you shared on that post are ones i’ve been clinging to, too. and how exciting that you are adopting from uganda!!! i have a few friends who have/are adopting from there if you want me to connect you! just email me – wynne.elder@gmail.comReplyCancel
Alisha - Oh how I needed these words tonight. Tomorrow we’re having a huge yard sale fundraiser for our own adoption and one thing after another has gone wrong (haha life is colorful). Thank you so much for this fresh perspective!!ReplyCancel
- Wynne - alisha! how did your fundraiser go??? life isn’t easy and neither is adoption but you can know you are covered in prayer and supported!ReplyCancel
Hannah - Wynne, I totally understand your heart! The Lord meant for me to read your post tonight. Sometimes I can’t even articulate to myself what it is that I feel like I’m missing out on – but you nailed it. I’m an adoptive mom “in waiting” – the journey has been long and at times the reality of infertility is a foothold the devil uses to discourage me. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and being vulnerable! Much Love, HannahReplyCancel
- Wynne - hannah, oh i’m so glad the lord led you to read this post this morning and it encouraged you! the waiting of adoption is hard, girl i know that to be true. but god will teach you so much in it, and one day you will be able to look back and see it and say “it was worth it”! blessings to you on your journey!ReplyCancel
Karan Henson - Wynne, you are so right. How wise you are. I love you precious babies.ReplyCancel
you are brave too. » Gloriously Ruined - […] can imagine how I felt Friday, when I posted this post: Missing Out. I don’t know how many visits are “normal” for some of my big time blogger […]ReplyCancel
Laura - Beautiful. Find comfort in knowing there are so many of us in this struggle. I shared my story a few months ago too, and truly feel like it can help others even if it is to find comfort in knowing they were not alone. But girl, it’s scary to share it and to rehash those feelings “out loud” {or in writing}.

http://thepaisleypeanut.com/life-miscarriages-warning-post-fun/ReplyCancel
Ginger - Wynne, I can’t even remember how I came across your blog, but I am so thankful that I did! You have blessed me many times with your words and the cute pictures of your beautiful little blessings. The post today really hit me..I know that feeling of being ‘left out’ of the pregnancy convos. Me and my husband were diagnosed as “Unexplained Infertilty” about 5 years ago…we have been trying for a baby for 6 years now with IVF and IUI all we got was miscarriages….BUT i am glad to say that we are about 6 months into our waiting period of our Domestic Infant Adoption!!! We both feel that we went through all that so that Jesus could show us that THIS was our story all along, we just had to go through all that to be able to look back and and be thankful that we let HIM be the Lord over EVERY aspect of our life! I feel so blessed and thankful that one day I will be a Mama which is my dream job ever since I was a little girl! Jesus knows what my body can handle with pregnancy and maybe He saw something I didn’t. My words were always..God is in Control going through all the infertility stuff and i am so thankful that we gave it all to Him!Blessings always

Ginger PReplyCancel
- Wynne - ginger – i’m so glad you found me however it was, it’s so nice to “meet” you! wow, I am so sorry for what y’all have had to go through the past 5 years, but that is so amazing that y’all are adopting domestically! isn’t it funny how god sometimes gently says, “no THIS is what I have for you”! you will be a mama and that is a beautiful thing! thank you for your words today, they brought life and healing to my weary soul today. can’t wait to see how he blesses your sweet family!ReplyCancel
Rebekah - Just beautiful! I have had this same discussion with some friends. We all have our own story and it is so exciting when you see others sharing theirs! Your story is inspirational…thank you!ReplyCancel
- Wynne - thank you rebekah!!ReplyCancel
Kitty Hurdle - Yep!! Same song different verse! You are putting into words exactly how I feel about our infertility journey and the two angelic blessings god have us by way of adoption. The “yes! Me too!” Is a powerful thing. Love that our scars actually graft us into one another! XoxoReplyCancel
- Wynne - yes kitty! “our scars actually graft us into one another”!ReplyCancel
Sarah Carmichael Schneider - just beautiful, wynne. i am just now getting a chance to sit down and read your words. your honesty and transperancy is so inspiring. when i look back on my infertility journey i think about all that pain at the time… and doing the same thing… comparing my story to my friends (that all seem to get pregnant when the wind blew…over and over again). and now i look back and feel so grateful for the story that was chosen for me. and honestly, that i didn’t get pregnant when the wind blew. because yes, this is my testimony. and it’s so true… i look at you and your adoption journey and that’s something that i don’t have and probably never will…. and it sure does seem amazing. and beautiful. and i love to follow along and hear your story, wynne. you are a beautiful mama. no matter how you got there. those sweet babies were meant just for you. keep sharing the story. xxooReplyCancel
Where God is [a guest post] » Gloriously Ruined - […] friends – I was floored last week as I heard from so many of you after I posted my “missing out” post. My friend Robin, from back in the day high school youth group, said she was […]ReplyCancel
Best & Brightest | 04 | the color of sunshine - […] feel like you’re missing out? Thankful for her authenticity, and the follow up because hey- you’re brave […]ReplyCancel
Becki - Ouch and joy. I just experienced both by reading your beautifully written post. I know that feeling you describe, very very well. It’s a thirst you can’t quench. I feel like our five year struggle was heavily prayed over- but heavily watched under a microscope. Everyone knew we were pregnant when we did. There was no “surprise” at all( until we found out it was triplets that is). God has this huge laugh, I just know it. I think His plans really are way more awesome that ones we could write. Wynne, you are so good at knowing He is in charge, finding joy in His choices for you. You are awesome Wynne. Thanks for sharing on this subject.ReplyCancel
- Wynne - becki, i can totally relate to all you say . those are things I think about, when we do get preggo there won’t be any “surprise” b/c just like you, all my closest people know what’s going on. but his plans are better than i could ever imagine! thanks for that reminder ReplyCancel

May 29 2014

Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey

1 comment

I had so much fun this week recording my first ever podcast with my friend, Jamie Ivey. Jamie and I met actually through my girl Chloe at ACL a few years back right before we brought the kids home. Since then I’ve connected with her in person once or twice and mostly over email/text/skype! She is a jewel. She has 3 adopted kiddos, and her oldest bio son has been to Haiti with her and her hubby [the birth place of 2 of their kids] and I think that’s just the coolest. You might know her husband, Aaron Ivey of the Aaron Ivey Band at Austin Stone. He is probably my all time favorite worship leader, so that’s that.

When I lived in Austin, Jamie won a guest DJ spot on a country radio station, KVET, and I remember listening to her on my drive to and from work at the Rodeo. She discovered her love for radio there, and I absolutely love now that she’s taken that passion and transitioned it into her podcast! I listened to a lot of her IF Gathering podcasts, and now her Happy Hour podcast is so fun to listen to as I’m driving around running errands, or cleaning the house. It’s like sitting in a conversation with girlfriends.

I loved getting to talk to Jamie and share a little bit about my story and then just some random happenings in my life now. Telling my story to someone always reminds me what God has done in my life. He has done some pretty incredible crazy things and led me to live this life I could not have ever imagined.

without further adieu…head over to Jamie’s blog to listen in!

word on the street is I’m giving away a $50 Noonday gift card too!

no comments

Caeli Wenner - Awesome. Loved listening!ReplyCancel

May 29 2014

lets be brave

5 comments

I have some friends that ask good questions, y’all. The kind of questions that make you really think. The questions you don’t ask yourself and when you are put on the spot, you are always interested in what will come out of your mouth and heart. I’ve had a few of those conversations lately, and they all seem to center on one thing: my desire to be pregnant.

There are so many things I have wanted to share on the blog with y’all about this journey we’ve been on for 5 years, and I’ve been chicken. I’ve been waiting for the “perfect time”, I’ve been waiting until I “had it together”, but what am I really waiting for? I don’t know, but I’m tired of waiting. I have felt God nudge me on more than one occasion that He wanted me to share in this journey as it was happening. Truth be told, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with my close friends and family around me. I’ve opened up and shared a lot about my journey through infertility and I’m glad I have. But it’s still not easy, letting people in. So why would I want to let the whole world wide web in? That’s a good question. Either I’m brave or crazy.

I keep watching people around me physically, and in my online life, be brave. Take risks and do things that are not the norm. I look at them and think, I can be brave too! But then I believe the lie that I have nothing to offer, or I don’t have it together enough to really put myself out there [even more than I already have]. But I was on a walk with a mentor of mine around our neighborhood, and she reminded me who I was. She reminded me that I am not the status quo. I am not just like all of my other friends. I do not adhere to what our culture says we should do. She reminded me of the freedom I have found in Christ, to just BE ME, and be who HE made me to be instead of what the world says I should be. She reminded me that I am a rebel who wears all Target clothes to a fancy party, and I love her for that.

so starting today I am going to just be me. I’m not going to try to fit into any “category” or be like anybody else. I am simply going to be ME. I’m going to live this one wild and crazy life God has given me to the fullest. I’m going to be brave!

pictures by Erica Sledge/accessories by Noonday Collection/dress by Altar’d State

will you hold me to it?

3 comments