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I left 3 hour triple baby shower [these babies have all safely made their way into the world now! praise God!] dinner  before the tears started to flow.  It’s such a weird thing.  When you’ve been walking with a group of girls for 3-5 years, and they know you and they know your heart and your desires.  they know your struggles and your heart ache.  they want what you want almost as much as you do.  they want to change the hard stuff, they want to make it better.  they love me so fiercely.  they don’t know what to say sometimes, so sometimes they don’t.  and sometimes they step out on a limb and send me a message just to see how I am.  I’m sure they feel nervous to do that.  I would feel nervous about that too, if it wasn’t something I had walked through or been walking through.  but when they do, I am so grateful.  I can feel the hurt in their hearts for me.  I can feel them empathizing with me.  it’s nice to know I’m seen.

it’s hard.  having been trying to conviece for 5 years.  there are always seasons where everyone and their dog is pregnant, and this is one of them.  I have way too many stories of crying in the bathroom at parties and dinners, just trying to hide and be alone.  then I have stories of friends finding me in the bathroom, and praying with me and letting me hide out until the tears dry.  5 years of this.  first round of kids, then second, and now we are on to round 3 for lots of my friends.

it’s weird.  it’s weird because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.  but at times, I feel sorry for myself.  I’m learning a lot about dealing with grief, and loss over what could have been.  I’m learning that it’s OK to cry out to God, and to tell him I don’t think it’s fair, and to be mad.  he can handle it.  I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but I think because I feel sorry for myself I perceive everyone else to feel sorry for me too.  but they are right there with me.  they are confused, and sad, and hurt, and they want it to be different too!  they want what I want!

when friends announce they are pregnant, at least to me, sometimes they say it in a I-feel-bad-i’m-pregnant kind of way.  and I know their heart,  I know they are trying to protect me and let me know that they hate it for me.  that they wish I was pregnant too.  but it makes me feel worse sometimes.  I AM excited for them.  I AM excited about new life!  I DO want to celebrate.  but it’s just their weird thing, because yes I am also hurting inside.  I am also asking, “why not me” to myself.  I am questioning God, and telling him it’s not fair.  I know in my heart the truth – I know his timing is perfect, I know there is purpose in my pain, but that doesn’t mean that it still isn’t hard.  not every day.  but some days, it’s hard.

I’m grateful for this journey, I really am.  I’m grateful that I can now for the rest of my life, empathize with other women who are going through this same struggle.  I’m thankful that my pain could be my platform.  I’m thankful that my heart can be broken and hurt and sad alongside other women, and at the same time I can encourage them, and relate to them in a new way.  I’m grateful that this journey has only brought me to a greater dependance on HIM.  I know full well that we are NOT in control, he is.  He is in control of it all and He alone is the author and giver of life.

sometimes though, I just want to get in my car after dinner and drive around town before going home, and stop at random parks, and cry.  ugly cry.  I know the truth.  I know I am loved.  I know my friends + family are for me, and they are with me.  but there are times in this journey that must be walked alone.  and I’m walking it.

  • Caroline - You are not alone AT all!!!! God is working in the spiritual realm! He has far greater plans than you could even imagine. Keep on contending for your babies!! Despite that EVERYONE around us is pregnant (trust me – I agree), I just decide to view it as a sign that God is bringing LIFE! He is good – believing with you Wynne. Cry it out if you have to but don’t give up! Waiting with youReplyCancel

  • Sarah Beth - Me, too, Wynne. XoxoReplyCancel

  • Lisa - I could have written this post. A sweet friend just emailed a link to this post and I love it. It’s so my life right now. Thank you. I can’t wait to dive in to your blog.ReplyCancel

  • Leanne Lawson - After 6 years and one adoption we fell pregnant. Our miracle little boy, we were so excited. Six months later he was born still, Sam Alan Lawsom, you are missed more than we can say. I truly do not understand Gods plan here, feel totally lost

    2 weeks have passed now and we hurt and are angry. I think of you and thank you for your blog

    LeeReplyCancel

  • Lacie Blair JohnsŦon - Love you Wynne.ReplyCancel

  • Amanda Keel Cobb - I love this. I have not struggled with infertility but I have struggled and sometimes when I felt most alone I realized I need to be alone. Alone with Jesus and not everyone else’s attempts to comfort. He forced me to HiS comfort so I so understand your need to walk alone friend. Just keep walking, don’t stop and know I’m loving you from afar sweet sister! ReplyCancel

  • Katie Vale - infertility is such a hard road and i am so sorry you are there. i’m so glad you have friends that support you and understand you, but I know that it feels like they can’t really understand since they haven’t been there. praying for you today. ReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth Bowman Hildebrand - Thank you for sharing, I can relate and have had those exact thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Encouraging to know we are not aloneReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Gardner - It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has spent more than one shower/party in a bathroom trying to pull it together. I thought for a long time I was being stupid and shallow. It’s as if you followed me around and wrote what was running through my head. Love yaReplyCancel

  • Kelli Guytan Meaders - Hi there, I know that we are strangers – I am very sorry and I hurt right along with you now. This week I have also had ugly cry. Alone. Yesterday, 2nd chemical pregnancy this year ended. The waiting for the up and then crashing down and doing it all over again each month is so exhausting. We are strong and want to kick and scream. Thank you for sharing your story it helped my “alone” to be not so dark. ReplyCancel

  • Rachel Wesch - Reading your blog, took me back to a time that does not seem real now. I remember having some of those same emotions; because all I ever wanted to be was a mother. How could it be so hard to produce a child? There was no rhyme or reason why some could get pregnant so easily. Driving down the road, I would see a young couple smoking in a car, a child not strapped in, dirty and unkept and think why??? How is this right. My family is very large and we wanted four children. My plan was one every two years. It was an ambitious plan. My husband and I were thrilled about our future. So, let me get to the details. We started trying to conceive six months into our marriage. My two sister in laws were having a child about every year. One had three and the other five. They hurt for me. At about yr three, I could see this was not going to be easy. My prayer started to change. I had eight surgeries; numerous attempts with fertility drugs etc., a failed in-vetro and spent enough money on surg/fertility treatments to send a child to college. With each arrival of a friend’s baby or a niece or nephew, I started praying to not be bitter. I prayed that God would allow me to enjoy each precious little baby and not let my situation rob me of that joy. I also started thanking God for my wonderful husband. How many people are blessed with a great man?A man that loves me and suffers with me, and put his career and everything else on hold to walk this life with me!! Maybe a happy marriage was God’s gift to me. Enough. We decided to approach adoption and had two fall through. On our Thirteenth anniversary, we went to Atlanta to celebrate and decided we were done. DONE! We had our precious nieces and nephews and we were going to be happy being their aunt and uncle. We closed the book. As we were driving out of the hotel, the phone rang. It was my mom calling with a message to call an old friend. Long story-short. There was a baby. He would be born in two months, and he could be ours. It happened. Our miracle. God never forgets us. Stay strong with your husband. Pray you never become bitter. God’s answer is there. Our answer came and is now fifteen years old. The moment I held him; thirteen years of pain vanished. I would do it all again and not change a thing. I learned so much. You will be in my prayers.ReplyCancel

  • Sandra Lamgo - Thank you for your transparency! It is such a grieving process and I think the “ugly cry” is actually necessary. God knows our hearts and like a child crying to momma or daddy. . .HE is father whom we can break down in front of. . .raw. We delt with infertility twice. After many years of treatments we were blessed with two little boys and one passed away shortly after birth. Followed by a still birth. And another four years of secondary infertility. After the deaths and then infertility. . .I couldn’t even hear a baby cry without breaking. God restores. He comforts. And I need to preach this to myself as we are at the beginning of adoption.ReplyCancel

  • Erica Parody Leggiero - I’m on year 4. You couldn’t have summed this up any more perfectly. Ugly crying with you. ReplyCancel

  • A Short Blonde - …but there are times in this journey that must be walked alone. and I’m walking it.

    Yes, thank you for this honest post. I have been there myself. ReplyCancel

  • Hannah Bunker - Everything you write about infertility I’m nodding my head because I get it because I have been there…I AM there still. I just told a friend yesterday that I feel like there’s two islands, one is people who have kids and the other are women who are the heart of my ministry…women dealing with infertility. And I’m in the water between the two. I have my precious babes so sometimes I feel my infertility journey and perspective gets lost with women still struggling. But I am a mom so I get that too…but I still desire and believe for belly babies.

    Everything you wrote in this post. Yes to it all. I know exactly what you’re talking about.ReplyCancel

  • Brittany - Thank you so much for being transparent and sharing your heart & soul with us. I’ve been walking the path of infertility for 12 years. It can be extremely lonely, and although I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone I am thankful that we are not alone! I don’t go around talking about it just because it is so painful, but I’m sure the people that do know are probably wondering why I haven’t just given up. The simple answer is I can’t. I believe God would not have placed this yearning in the deepest part of my soul to be a mom if it would never be fulfilled…maybe I’m naive, but I believe in a redeeming and loving God, and I just have to trust that He is going to use all of this to bring glory to His name in His perfect timing. Unless you’ve experienced infertility you can’t imagine the pain, so from one soul sister to another, I’m praying for you!!!ReplyCancel

  • Shannon - wynne, i love your honesty and can see that the heart God gave you to have life in your womb may be a wild and strange adventure for you but you’re not turning it off or throwing it out… you are just feeling the ache and pressing forward… i can speak to his faithfulness for us… it was a long wait too and many times i’d hang on for the ride (and those cycles you talked about) trusting and hoping and many times i tossed hope out the window… and 10 yrs of wondering and waiting on the plan, i can share that today is 20 wks of life in my womb!… i don’t know if it helps but having this hope come to fruition has erased the hurt of the journey to here and replaced it with deep joy… much love from my belly to yours tonite, xoReplyCancel

  • A.a. Ron - In the beginning we struggled with infertility and then were told that in order to have kids it would have to be before a certain age…wouldn’t you know, that medical prediction was true and here I am at almost 31 with a hysterectomy. We did finally have children but each pregnancy was riddled with complications, life flights, etc. Truly, it was a test of our strength. I hope that you find your way through this season of life and find strength to persevere and come out stronger. I do feel that we all have seasons in life that are trying and leave us feeling alone. I can say that this past year has been one of the hardest. Moving to a new area, having no friends and literally trying left and right to make connections…only to have people not be super friendly or open to new friendships. I am reminded that each day is a chance to start new and to remind myself of the beautiful happiness and blessings I have in my life…even on the days that I may not have a group of friends to share them with. I hope that you find the peace that your heart needs and it is absolutely okay to cry it out. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. It clears our hearts of the weights that are heavy upon them and reminds us to renew and refresh ourselves and give thanks. ReplyCancel

  • Roberta - I will ugly cry with you, and I’ll bring the chocolate and ice cream! I have been wanting a baby so badly for a year now. There have been so many complications in my way so far. My two sisters have struggled with infertility and I am worried I will join them. I have jest had three massive cysts from my ovaries removed and am recovering from that, the recovery is slow and holding me back from continuing to try once more for a baby. I know even after the recovery it may take a long time to get where we want. I know this is all gods plan and there is a Devine lesson and reason for it, but it it hard to understand right now!
    Thank you for sharing your journey. It means a lot to me and keeps me focused on the road ahead.ReplyCancel

  • erika - beautiful wynne. praise God for your willingness to use this as a platform, but praise Him for also letting you know that it is OK to ugly cry – and that He can handle it, others can handle it, and it’s right to feel the pain.

    Also, when I’ve really struggled with something– Paul’s thorn in my flesh has been a helpful metaphor. I don’t know if it will be for you — but we all have thorns that we cry out to have removed and they’re not. We don’t know why, and sometimes that’s so hard.

    love to you.ReplyCancel

  • Leah - four years ago, my husband and i decided it was time to begin our family. four years later, no pregnancies. after a year of fertility testing, it was determined my husband is unable to produce children as he has a genetic condition caused by a gene defect that is responsible for cystic fibrosis. there is no fix and no hope. the door had been shut. we will never hold a child in our arms that looks like us and i will never feel the joy of our baby kicking as they await to enter the world. after we had learned to lean into god through our grief, god pointed us to adoption in africa. while waiting, god led a local family to us who asked us to be the parents to a baby boy. one month later, we were parents to the most glorious little one. god has been so good to us yet the grief has come back like a raging storm, clouding my heart. i realized several weeks ago that i wanted to be pregnant so our son could have a sibling within a year. then i realized i couldn’t do that. it was so silly to have had that thought – and i’ve been on a downward spiral since. i’m grateful every single day for our beautiful one year old and i also hurt every single day. it is a loss our english language can’t describe. i feel alone. i feel at a loss for how to connect with others through my grief. people tell me to “have faith” as if my grief means i’m a nanosecond away from turning my back on christ. i have grace and understanding that others do not understand the journey of an infertile couple unless they have had to walk that lonely road themselves. if i were with you in person i’d hold your hand and let you cry. and i’d cry, too. some hurts don’t have a “fix it” button. there is nothing to do but allow god to hold our hearts and savor the knowing that he knows the longings that stir in our hearts and he will use us for a purpose so beautiful, so intricate and so special that one day, one day we can see how good he was to us. until then, we cry and lean into god.ReplyCancel

  • Claire - Wynne, I am a longtime reader and this is my first time commenting. Our journeys are very, very different, yet have so, so many similarities. I have suffered great loss. Our first son was stillborn, just over 4 years ago. We lost our second son in the second trimester. I have had 8 more losses since then, including twin girls last winter. I have been pregnant many times in the last 5 years, but I am also an infertility survivor. I am also a traditional infertility survivor and have endured years of IVF. Many times I have found myself as that girl you describe, hiding alone with my tears. But we are not alone, and your journal proves that. When you share with others in this beautiful community you are telling others that they are not alone, and you are here for them. I just wanted to write to you today and to tell you that you are amazing. You inspire me in so many ways. I am inspired to start writing again, I am inspired to do good in the world, and to help others as you have. I have been so bogged down by my own story, and by my losses. But I think I am starting anew, finding purpose in the pain. I hope and believe that I can and that I am beginning my own journey to help others, as you have done. Thank you.ReplyCancel

  • Elisha Coston Kearns - I found your blog through Chelsea (we are doing the community blog post together) and I am so glad I did! :)

    waitingforbabybird.comReplyCancel

  • Fertility Friday: community post - […] I’m continually amazed by ALL the community surrounding infertility that is out there.  As I’ve opened up more and more to share my story, I’ve heard from so many of you.  Thank you, truly, for opening up and trusting me with your stories and burdens.  Every time I get a comment, or email from one of you I say a prayer for you right then and there.  Stories are still pouring in after last Friday’s “ugly cry” post. […]ReplyCancel

  • Molly - For 4 years my son has been praying for twin sisters. My cousin and his wife got pregnant with twin girls only 3 months into their marriage. Her baby shower was very hard for me. Had three friends who gave me scripture verses, care package and prayers.ReplyCancel

  • Shannon Ketchum - Thanks so much for being so transparent. This is just what i needed and just how I’ve been feeling. Nice to know that I ‘m not alone.ReplyCancel

this story won’t leave my mind, so I’m bringing it to you today.  a story of hope, and healing, and justice being done.

do you remember when I told you about Jamie?  beautiful Jamie, who was walking, and laughing and singing with us around the table in Kigali?

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This is her story.

and this is not ok.  this everyday violence is what plauges third world countries like Rwanda, and hurts beautiful people like Jamie.  it is NOT OK.

but IJM is doing something about it.  the took her to safety, they helped her get prosthetic legs, they spoke into who she was and how she is beautiful and loved.

they got her counseling, and helped her find a home with other children with disabilities.

their lawyers convicted her abusers.

and they placed Jamie in a rehabilitation center where she learned to walk again!

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“I thank God that he makes a way when there is no way”- Jamie

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these people in this video?  they are my friends.  they are fighting the everyday injustices every day in Rwanda.  and WE can be a part of it.  Sign up to become a freedom partner with IJM, and help IJM give 24/7 care to their clients around the world!

  • Kiersten - Her smile just brings so much joy and light. I appreciate that you share her story. I appreciate that you don’t just talk about something once, but that you come back to it and to how it is affecting your heart and actions. Not allowing it to just become a sad story that everyone can read once and move on from. I think the world needs more of that and I am so glad you are willing to be a part of it. Be blessed, Wynne.ReplyCancel

Happy middle of the week friends!  Just wanted to pop in and say hello, and say I have loved hearing from you the past week!  I love hearing what some of your favorite pieces are from the new Noonday fall line – and wanted to say congrats to Danielle Martino for winning the ruffled make up bag!  She also will get some yummy Rodan + Fields product from my long time friend, Nicole Binniker [who has also become a Noonday shopper!]  If you haven’t had a chance to make it to a trunk show this season yet, you are going to want to do that!  If you don’t know who the ambassador is in your area, go to this link + scroll to the bottom to find “connect with your local ambassador”.  The home office team will connect you, it’s that easy!

So Danielle, you can put your Rodan + Fields broad spectrum powder + lip shield in your Noonday ruffled makeup bag!

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I also loved reading through all of your submissions for why you want to win my copy of Jen Hatmakers revised and expanded, Interrupted!  So many of you ladies are seeking, and searching and excited that God is opening your world view and wrecking your comfortable christiantiy.  and I want to encourage you, even if you don’t win this book – head over to amazon, or barnes + noble and get yourself one!  better yet, get two and pass one along to a friend?  The winner of this book is Grace Cho.  Congrats friend!

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I just love that when God is speaking to me, He is so obvious.  He’s poured into me so much this week through His Word, through ASK CBS ministry, through Mid Cities girls night, IF Equip Galatians study and I’m so thankful.  It was just what my soul needed to recharge and be filled to overflowing again.  I hope this encourages you to seek the Lord, to ask Him to fill you, ask Him to put people and ministry opportunities in your path that will draw you closer to him.  He is faithful, and he will do it.

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This weekend I’m headed outta town for the first ever Royal Daughters Glampout in Fredricksberg, Texas put on by the Beloved Society…led by my dear friends Alison + Beth.  If you are a mom or a wife and you are cautious to leave your family for a weekend – let me just encourage you that it is time well spent.  There is something about leaving all the daily duties behind, and getting in your car, or on an airplane, and driving away from it all for a few days.  I can speak from personal experience – but it only makes me a better wife and mom.  Getting away to be refreshed, spending time in Gods word, fellowshiping, eating yummy food, and late nights in jammies talking with your girlfriends…it is for sure food for my soul.

So I can’t wait for the glampout, and Jenna’s yummy food, and fancy dress up night, and sitting around the campfire, and breathing in the hill country for the weekend.  Me, Wendy, Jody and Sarah will be taking off from Midland Friday and I might be counting down the days.  There’s also something special about getting outta town with the girlfriends you do life with in your community.  I haven’t gotten to do this with most of this crew yet, so…lots of stories to come I’m sure!

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I hope you all have a happy weekend!  I might be popping back in this week with an encouraging word, or I might not see you until next week:) that’s what the freedom of the last week of summer means right?

  • Katy Stone - Can’t wait for the Glampout! See you soon! :) ReplyCancel

  • Grace P. Cho - YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!ReplyCancel

  • Hannah Bunker - That glampout sounds so fun! I love Fredericksburg! Only 4 hours from me too. I’d love to do that with some of my girlfriends!ReplyCancel

  • Vintage 1973 - “Do life with”…those are my people. Excited to read about this time away! Oh and I think it’s great that you use your God given platform to encourage women to take time away from the routine, we need it but can feel so guilty about it. Thank you!ReplyCancel

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In December of 2011, I first told you about this book that was wrecking my thoughts and thinking.  It was called Interuppted, and it’s written by Jen Hatmaker.  I did a little review on it here, but basically what you need to know is God used that book to speak to me at the beginning of my life “interrupted”.  Stephen + I had just gotten home a few months earlier from our first mission trip to Africa, and our dossier [to adopt] had been in Ethiopia just a few short months.  I was for sure searching, and seeking, and wondering what it really meant to live missionally.  To live wrecked, interrupted, and gloriously ruined.   I remember having a lot of questions, a lot of fear, and wondering how to live now that my eyes had been opened – and Jen’s book let me know that we weren’t alone out in those waters.  As I said in 2011, reading this book & starting to pray about living missionally has already started to transform my thinking

Enter July 2014, I was in Rwanda with Noonday + IJM sitting next to said author as she told me about her revised and expanded version of Interuppted.  I knew right then I needed to re-read it.  It was an honor to sit in that coffee shop that day and tell Jen that her voice has been one God has used in my life, and in our generation, to unlock scriptures and teaching for many.

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If you have, or even if you haven’t, read any of Jen’s books – I would say (and she says too) THIS is the one to read.  Without this book, she couldn’t have written 7 – this was the “prequel” as she says to 7.  This book is her heartbeat.  The revised + expanded version has so much to offer – not only new material but notes from her husband Brandon and much more.  I mean the title just grabs you: Interuppted: when Jesus wrecks your comfortable christianity.  It’s the story of God taking the Hatmakers and plucking them out of ” complacent, comfortable, safe Christianity” and dropping them into “the deep end of struggle, injustice, brokenness, and a hurting humanity”.

Has God done that to you?  Has he opened your eyes to the hurting world around you and you just don’t know what to DO with it?  Have you been in church all your life, like me, but missed some key scriptures about the poor and oppressed? You aren’t alone, sister.  Let this book help mobilize you, educate you, convict you, and push you out towards what you are called to do.

I’ve loved re-reading this book, as the Lord is not done with us.  He is continually wrecking our lives for Him and His glory and it’s books and writers like this one that help push us out the door.  I don’t have it all together, I have so much more to learn, and God has so much left to speak to me.  Reading this book 3 years into this journey He’s called us on, is even more confirmation that the best is yet to come.

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Until reading this book, and hearing Jen speak several times, I hadn’t ever heard someone be so real about our interpretations of several scriptures talking about the poor.  This is what I mean…

“hey, here’s something crazy:  In the Word, poverty, widows, huger – these are not metaphors. There are billions of lambs that literally need to be fed.  WITH FOOD” 

I know reading this book will open your eyes and your heart to understand the scriptures we’ve read over and over, even deeper.  It’s not easy, y’all, but it’s important.  Will you take the challenge and pray about what could happen when we fully surrender, and allow Jesus to completely wreck and interrupt our lives?  

I’m giving away 1 paperback copy of Interrupted today – simply comment and tell me why you want to get your hands on a copy of this book.  Winner will be chosen at random on Wednesday.

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Jan Hatmaker is the author of 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess and A Modern Girl’s Bible Study series. With a heart for her generation, she speaks at conferences around the country. Jen resides in Austin, Texas, with her husband, Brandon, and their five children. To learn more about Jen and follow her blog, go to www.jenhatmaker.com.

 

  • Elizabeth - Two of my favorite “internet people”! You and Jen Hatmaker! I’m about to finish the 7 Bible Study and I just absolutely LOVE her! I’d love to read Interrupted as well!ReplyCancel

  • Sara Newberry Harms - i would love to win a copy of this book because i want to give it to the friend who told me about Interrupted the first time! she’s a mom with four (count ‘em, four!) kiddos and i would love to bless her with a copy. i have mine on order from NavPress…can not wait!ReplyCancel

  • Brittany Liggitt - I want my life to make a difference.ReplyCancel

  • Erin Williams - After reading your thoughts on this book, I feel like it’s exactly where I am right now…wanting to know and explore how we can live missionally in the midst of everyday life. I immediately wanted to buy the book but I have just recommitted myself to our budget and I have no more “blow” money. So if I don’t win, I’ll just have to wait until next month:)ReplyCancel

  • Mindy Reeves - I think that every Christian woman could use an interruption to her busy life trying to juggle her family and faith. This sounds like a book that I need to read!!!ReplyCancel

  • Carrie - This book has been on my wish list for a while now. God has been breaking my heart for what breaks His over the last few years, and I’ve made some progress toward pursuing Him and others in that. I still feel like I have so much to learn in this area and I think “Interrupted” would be so helpful!ReplyCancel

  • Lindsey Thomson - God has been opening my eyes so much over the last year or so. And now, in a new town, with what is seemingly like a fresh start, I am READY to start living an Interrupted life. Can’t wait to read this book!ReplyCancel

  • Ali - Amidst infertility treatments, adoption, and a move to a new state (literally in a week), I feel like I’ve put faith on the back burner…. again … even though I’m craving that connection. This seems like a good place to start!ReplyCancel

  • Bethany Collins Hardy - As a very tired wife in ministry, I would love some fresh perspective and encouragement. My faith has not wavered, but my focus has. ReplyCancel

  • Caroline - I have never read this, but would love to! What an impact it would have if we all lived interrupted! Love the title and summary! Love getting wrecked in the spirit!ReplyCancel

  • Caeli - Would love this book! It sounds amazing and just what I need at the point I’m at in life. My comfortable Christianity is being tested big time and I am fearful but also very excited for where God is taking me!!ReplyCancel

  • Catherine Diehm Wilson - oooh, I would love to get this book! With no English church and sketchy internet, I am SO hungry for some spiritual feeding!ReplyCancel

  • Hannah Bunker - I’d love to win a copy because it sounds like a book I need to read – to put my ear to the ground and have this book help me listen for my life to be interrupted.ReplyCancel

  • Grace Cho - I would love to win one to go through with the girl I mentor!ReplyCancel

  • Ali - I’d love to win a copy! I just finished reading Radical by David Platt and this sounds like it has a similar heartbeat.ReplyCancel

  • Rebekah - I am in the middle of God stirring up my heart. I am searching for the next steps and trying to live in the moment and just love on those around me. I would love to read this book!!ReplyCancel

  • kimberly oyler - oh i’d love this! i am almost done reading 7 (finally) and would love to read this!ReplyCancel

  • Mallory Lanier - Read this a while back but would love to re-read!ReplyCancel

  • Allison Ramsing - I’d love to get this book because I know God is already working on interrupting the plans I planned and I’d love to read Jen’s perspective on it. I’m excited to see what God has next in store. I’m pretty sure that God has placed a huge passion for Africa and adoption on my heart for the future.ReplyCancel

  • Melanie Morriss Tkach - I would love a copy of Interrupted! My small group just read Radical by David Platt. His book stimulated so much good discussion amongst our group, and the Lord showed me how many excuses I was making for the current “American Dream” life I am living. In the process, He broke my heart for the fatherless and for the poor. I stumbled across your blog and Sole Hope and so many other practical mission opportunities that have helped me begin transforming my life into His plan and not my own. ReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Aloisio Morr - Oh, how I would love to read this book because I have already been wrecked in so many different ways, I would love to hear Jen’s perspective.
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  • Casey Edwards - I cannot wait to crack the pages of this book. I feel like I’m in that place now that you were in when you got home from your first mission trip to Africa. Searching, seeking, and wondering what living missionally really looks like. My mind is filled with so many questions, a lot of fear & that same wondering that you had about how to live now that my eyes have been opened. That’s why I know I need to read this book; to give me that little push I need to step out of the invisible box and allow my life to be interrupted.ReplyCancel

  • Megan Gilliam - This book sounds awesome – I haven’t read a book in a while, and this sounds well worth my time!ReplyCancel

  • Sydney McCauley Glazener - I read 7 and I am just finishing Radical by David Platt. Interrupted is next on my list- can’t wait to read it!ReplyCancel

  • Megan - I would like to read Interrupted because I’m at a flexible point in my life (done with school, but no marriage or kids) and facing endless possibilities of what living missionally would look like for me. Should I adopt? Should I look for a different job? Should I move somewhere? I have a hard time balancing the idea that God has me right where he wants me with me worrying that I’ve got it all wrong and actually I’m just being complacent and missing some higher calling. At the same time, it feels like for now at least, my place is my 9-5 job. I hope that reading Interrupted will help me figure out what I can do for the poor and oppressed when my full time job is not helping the poor and oppressed. Sometimes I feel envious of people who know exactly what they’re supposed to do to help because besides giving money to causes, I don’t know what that looks like for me. Anyway, that is a really long answer to the question, but I hope Interrupted will help me work through some of those things! Thanks for doing the giveaway!ReplyCancel

  • Anna Kostopoulos Janusz - Oh my word. I recently learned of Jen Hatmaker and haven’t read any of her books yet. Would love to have this to read while I’m home on maternity leave next month.ReplyCancel

  • Jessica Mumford - I DO think I have become too comfortable with my faith. Starting our Ethiopian adoption process 2 years ago, I started becoming wrecked for people living in poverty. And now, still going through this loooon enduring adoption process, I think I need a heart change to remind me what God says about living missionally and serving others, giving our lives to Him and His people.ReplyCancel

  • Katlyn Brekke - I’m the a-type, schedule driven, don’t do well with surprises or change in life kinda gal. I like to be in control and know what’s coming around the corner so I have time to prepare for it. Yet, I know that’s not putting my trust in Him, opposed to being open to the idea of change, the unknown, God’s “schedule” not mine. I need a welcome interruption!ReplyCancel

  • Laura Liszt - I’ve been so excited and scared to read this! I would love a copy of Interrupted.ReplyCancel

  • Laura - I’ve been so excited and scared to read this! I would love a copy of Interrupted.ReplyCancel

  • Katy Stone - I’ve heard such good things about this book. This is the first time in our marriage that we have been “settled” in one place longer than a year. While that’s been a good thing in SO many ways, I’ve found myself lately becoming complacent and I hate that. Looking (first to scripture, of course) for something to read to bring a little kick in the “spiritual pants”! :)ReplyCancel

  • Jenn Whitson Long - I can not wait to read this book!ReplyCancel

  • Karyn Schmidt - Gunna state the obvious: I would LOVE to have this book!!! Love. :)ReplyCancel

I have this constant need.

it’s a need for time + space.  but, I know I’m not the only one that has that need.  we all would probably elect to add more hours to our day if it were humanly possible.  but the good Lord gifted us with 24 hours in each day for a reason, and so that’s the time frame we get to work with.

I don’t want to say it’s not enough, because of the aforementioned gift from God, but some days it feels like it’s not.

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the days are long and the years are short – right?  just about every time I think about that quote as a mother of little ones, I get a little misty eyed.  for the love, I know the years are short.  most days that makes me really sad – longing for time to slow down, time to stop, and my babies to be babies forever.  but to be honest, the days right now seem very long.

yesterday I didn’t leave the house, or get out of my pajamas per say.  my sweet husband came to our rescue earlier than most afternoons, and gave me some time to find my own time and space.  and for that I am very grateful.

friends ask me every day, “how was Africa”.  it’s such a loaded question, and one I cannot answer in the form that I would answer a “how was your weekend” question.  I want to tell them, and some days I have the energy and space to do so, and some days (like this day) I just said ” I don’t know.  I haven’t had the time to process”.

I’m learning so much about myself, and what I need and where I thrive.  I love to be around people – I love to be creating, and connecting, and sharing stories and life.  I feel alive when I’m traveling and trying new experiences and going on adventures with my family.  I like to mix things up, and always have something to look forward to, something to dream of.

earlier this week, my sweet Asher didn’t want to nap so we cuddled on the couch, had some popcorn, and watched Tangled.  I had never seen it, but pretty much cried through the whole thing.  I love the part at the end where Rapunzle + Eugene are in the boat about to see the lights and she says something like “what if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?”  and Eugene says, it will.  she responds, what if it is, what do I do then? …” well that’s the good part I guess, you get to go and find a new dream” 

This year has been full.  major full.  dreams fulfilled – amazing experiences and trips, Africa twice, the opportunity to share the story God is writing for my life – and now…now I feel like it’s all over.  I cried over Tangled I think because it made me realize it WAS all I expected.  and it’s over.  but the good news is… I can go out and dream a new dream.

Where it gets tricky, is I am still processing and thinking and living through the dreams I’ve been living.  I still want to tell those stories, and share lessons learned, and make photo books of the past few months.  I don’t want it to be over – yet I’m ready for the next dream. it’s a weird place.  I want to tell you more about it.  I want to write about it because writing is my form of therapy.  Even if no one reads, I would still write.  Writing helps me see more clearly, express my thoughts in a way I can’t do when I speak or think them.  I just started Aly Vesterfelts new ebook, writing to find yourself, and I love it already…

“Writing is healing. Writing is cheap therapy. Writing can help you find yourself. That is what brings me back to this terrible, treacherous, incredibly painful, slowly-but-surely process day-after-day. Not the number of copies I’ve sold. It’s the knowledge that writing is intrinsically valuable. I tend to get out even more than I put in. “

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so here’s to two more weeks until my kiddos are back at school + this mama has her brain back.  I crave that time alone, in a coffee shop, with my fingers on the keyboard.  I have so many stories to share.  life to dissect.  feelings to feel and experiences to process.  hang in there with me, will ya?

  • The Gray Matters - I feel like I’m in a similar spot. It seems as though we stepped out and followed a call, but now it’s not exactly what I thought it would be. I keep clinging to the fact that we were called to come home, but I still feel so isolated out here in the boondocks. The inbetween always seems to be the hardest! ReplyCancel

  • Stephanie Nunes - Oh friend, I wish I could just drive to Texas and let you spill your guts, that kind of free talk helps me so much sometimes. Thinking of you! <3
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  • erika - “what if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?” and Eugene says, it will. she responds, what if it is, what do I do then? …” well that’s the good part I guess, you get to go and find a new dream”

    ugh. hits me right there. because i have that same fear. when it’s a dream, when it’s not tangible, it’s almost a comfort of something magical to look forward to, because what if when i get there, it’s not right? sometimes dreaming and not doing anything feels safer.

    thinking of you + praying for time for to process for you.ReplyCancel

    • Wynne - thank you friend. i’m glad it made sense to someone and wasn’t totally out of left field! what happens when the dream is complete? then what? that’s what i’m thinking about and processing now. thank you for your prayers!ReplyCancel